Ike Wilder.
Your birth suits your name. You came into the world wild and unexpected and nothing went to plan. But what a happy birth nonetheless! Oh how blissful your birth was (well… maybe not while I labored haha) and how happy we were for your safe entrance into the world! Amidst a pandemic, no doubt. Here’s the story…

Two days before - my 31st birthday

WEDNESDAY 9/16:
I had just hit 37 weeks the day before, and for my birthday your dad took the day off and we went out for lunch to a Mexican restaurant because I wanted queso and a fish taco. We took Silas to a park in the morning, had our tacos, daddy and Silas brought me flowers in the afternoon, we had ice cream cake after dinner (Silas started saying “Happy Mama!”) which we shared with our neighbors, and that night your daddy gave me the sweetest spa night with a full pedicure and back massage while we watched Harry Potter. Nashville was still hot, but fall weather was just days away and I couldn’t wait for my last weeks of pregnancy to be spent outside playing with Silas more comfortably.

THURSDAY 9/17:
It was a normal day. Silas and I played in the yard and pool, and late that night I insisted dada should pack his hospital bag. My instincts must have kicked in because… well… come the middle of the night, he’d be needing that bag! At one point that day, part of my mucous plug had come out, but I hoped I still had a few more days.

At Home

Friday 9/18 - 1:15AM

I was fast asleep, when I woke to what felt like you had punched me, followed by a little pop sensation. I reached down, thinking I was dreaming that my water had broken (wouldn’t have been the first dream like that). My underwear were wet.
”Am I peeing? It that actually wet?”
Shook my head awake.
”OH that’s my water!”

“Tom! …… TOM!!! My water broke!!!”

Dad leapt out of bed while I instructed him to please hurry and grab towels before it got all over the bed… “BUT NOT THOSE TOWELS!”

I leapt up too and pushed him out of my way in the bathroom so I could get to the toilet where my water gushed out and I started to cry a little bit.

I didn’t feel ready! My friend was supposed to come watch Silas, but this was the ONE weekend she couldn’t. Thankfully we had our amazing neighbors backing her up. My parents weren’t here! My hopes for a successful VBAC relied partly on my water not breaking first so my labor would be a bit less intense, and now that aspect was out the window and I knew my labor would probably be more intense. Dada looked me in the eyes, in the dimly lit bedroom and smiled and reminded me what was coming… YOU! I smiled, bucked up, and called my mom.

2AM

Contractions started.

By now I had called my OB and was told to go in when I was 5 minutes apart (haha I was basically already at that point, but I wanted to labor at home where I was more comfortable). I also called our doula and was keeping her updated on things and getting ideas from her on coping. As they started to get more intense, I was focusing well on my breathing, but every contraction was only in my back. GAH! Another back-labor baby! Was he face-up like his brother was?? Again?! I tried to lay back down and sleep, but that made everything feel WAY worse.

I decided to try standing in the shower for relief. Thus far, the only comfortable spot had been the edge of our bed with a heating pad behind me, but I wanted to get him to turn around if he was face up. Once in the shower (couldn’t do the tub since my water had broken), things ramped up FAST. I told Tom to call Vicki (doula) and have her come right away. I was beginning to vocalize and it had only been a couple hours since my water broke.

Once she arrived, we all talked between contractions and kept things calm. We had some toast and tea and we tried some other positions but they were not helping much, or were making the contractions even more intense. By 6AM we all decided it was time to head to the hospital. Tom called up our neighbor around the time Silas woke up.

The hospital

6:15AM

As I started to shuffle out the door, I went to give Silas one more squeeze goodbye as my only child. He hugged me and said, “bebe out!” and continued reading books with our sweet neighbor. It was just a precious moment that I’m glad I made note of. Also, the MOST grateful to our two sets of neighbors who jumped in to watch Silas before my parents could be there. We are insanely blessed to have them!

6:40AM

At my 37 week appointment, I was -4 station (meaning, baby was basically still floating above my pelvis). My first check at the hospital, I was -3 station and barely dilated at all. I cant remember what it was initially - maybe 1cm or 3cm? Either way, it was very discouraging based on the intensity and frequency of my contractions. But I soldiered on!

7-10:30AM

Now in a delivery room, they needed to put me on a monitor and insert a hep line. Neither of these things went smoothly, and I had to be lying down in a bed for both which was excruciating for my back labor. We tried a wireless monitor (didn’t work). The regular monitors were being spotty, too. As for the hep line? Oh geez. Two nurses each tried twice, followed by THREE different anesthesiologists. No one could get a vein to work! This had never happened to me before! I was probably dehydrated or it was my hormones, but my veins just kept collapsing. One of the nurses joked that it was probably humbling for those anesthesiologists - haha! This was all going on as I was lying in bed dying to get up. By now, I had asked for an epidural because I was exhausted and needed a break from the close, long contractions that were now peaking TWICE within a single contraction.

As I waited for an epidural my doctor (a welcome (masked) face and voice to see and hear) came in to see what was happening. She looked at my contraction pattern, baby’s decelerations with each contraction, and after doing a pelvic exam (-2 station, 3cm dilated WAAAHHH!!), gave it to me straight… we needed to move to a C-section. She was direct, but caring. I knew she was right. And she was a little concerned about possible rupture based on my contraction pattern.

This did mean I wouldn’t be getting an epidural, but a spinal instead, so more waiting for relief as that would be done once in the O.R.
This felt like agessss. For 8 hours I had labored unmedicated with purely back labor with contractions about every 3 minutes apart for over a minute each. Oh, they still didn’t have a working hep line on me, so that poking continued into the operating room. Once they DID finally get one, it pooled up on my wrist halfway through surgery - haha I honestly started feeling bad for all these poor professionals after a while!

Once in the operating room, they waited as I got through more long contractions, then started a spinal. Very quickly, I felt the effects of the spinal and it was AMAZING! No drowsiness like I had after being on an epidural for hours. I felt so present and awake this time versus with Silas, where I wanted to sleep through the entire thing. The surgery itself was a bit longer (which is normal for repeat C’s), but somehow less nerve-wracking as I was so aware of everything, and everyone was talking, and the whole room felt so calm and comfortable. I got to converse with my doctor during it and that was so neat. I reminded her that I was supposed to have a growth scan at my 38 week appointment next week and we laughed over that not happening now!

The big moment…

When they reached you, Ike, they lifted a clear drape and dada and I got to watch as you were born! They brought you up to the drape and I was able to touch your warm head and talk to you as they let you get that cord blood for a while. You quieted as you listened to me welcome you into the world. It was the most joyous, beautiful moment and it felt incredible to feel more a part of that even in surgery. They took you to do their checks, then dada got to hold you as they finished my surgery and redid my awful hep line situation. Before I was wheeled out, they placed you on my chest and I didn’t put you down for hours :) In the immediate recovery room, I was able to nurse you for the first time and you were a little pro! You took to it so quickly and I was so proud of us both.

As we soaked in your newness, it was so special to see how you resembled your brother, yet how uniquely-made you were. You were a full pound smaller than Silas was, and we couldn’t believe you could be so tiny and perfect. Your hair was dark, and soft, and your fingers so long and new. Seeing a brand new baby, is the most surreal moment in the world and I love it so much. Oh Ike Wilder, we are so blessed to be your parents and so overjoyed at your entrance into the world. You are my beautiful boy and are already such a perfect addition to our little family and so loved by your big brother (and Hondo)! We thank God for the gift of you, precious boy - we love you so, Ike!

A few notes about this birth…

So essentially, this birth went EXACTLY how Silas’ birth went. To a T! Same issues with engagement, slow progression, back labor (Ike was face down, even!), fetal distress, spontaneous water breaking, etc… even though we did SO many things differently this time around.

Birth is such a wild thing and different for every woman and child. This one at least went much quicker (though without an epidural, it sure FELT longer haha), but in briefly talking with my doctor after surgery and with our doula a couple weeks postpartum, we think there must be something with my anatomy (perhaps the size or shape of my pelvis) that just won’t allow my babies to engage. And because my waters break before I start labor, my babies lose their cushion during those harsh contractions and become very distressed and have trouble moving down. Of course, as this was a VBAC, there were other variables and risks we had to be wary of, too.

I’m grateful, too, that my recovery has been much easier this time around and I knew how important rest is for that. We only had to stay in the hospital two days which was amazing! Covid, of course, made some aspects a pain. It was annoying wearing a mask when we first met our baby and not being able to feel his cheek against mine and take in the smell of his new skin right away, but I can’t say we felt unsafe. We had to stay in our room, but Tom was able to leave once a day and get us food. In fact, he spent the first night at home while I sent Ike to the nursery between feeds so I could rest.

Overall, I don’t mourn my previous C-section, nor do I mourn this one. I have always held much more strongly to my babies and myself coming out of birth safe and healthy, so to me, that IS my “ideal birth.” I feel so at peace knowing I did everything in my power to have a successful VBAC, so to me, there was no failure in my birth and I can simply shrug it off and know it was going to happen this way regardless. It was just not meant to be! We had such an awesome support system and I felt so able to advocate for myself - and if I couldn’t I had Tom and Vicki to speak up as well. I truly look at this birth with such immense pride and joy, and seeing my growing, healthy boy is the greatest gift!