I can't believe I'm doing this.

This little recipe is my crutch. My fail-proof, fall-back. I haven't wanted to share this recipe because I have this internal fear that it'll find its way around my circles, or like, the world, and every time I have to bring a dessert, I'll see a buffet table filled with these and I'll cry on the inside... or a little out loud, like a pathetic whimper of defeat that says, "Yeah Joy, your stupid little dessert that takes you ten minutes also takes everyone else ten minutes and now you're not original and yours don't taste as good as Peggy Sue's. Loser!"

So basically, I'm just really territorial about my saltine bars.

But the time has come. I will conquer a new recipe and up the ante and all of you people making my saltine bars will cower in the wake of whatever else becomes my next ten minute dessert.

OKAY. SORRY. Things are getting hostile in here. Maybe my recipe hoarding issues are the reason why my food section always looks a little skimpy... and anything food related should never include the word "skimpy," so I'll make a concerted effort to let go of my recipe selfishness.

So. Here they are.

THE FAMOUS SALTINE BARS.

If you are wondering why I would say they're famous without you ever having heard of them, just believe me. These are the kinds of bars that fit, healthy people take a bite out of, and their eyes suddenly widen like Eve discovering sin. They are the crack of the food world. You've been warned.

On a completely serious note, I can't take these bars anywhere without someone asking why the heck they're so good. The answer to that question (regardless of what food someone may be talking about) is almost always the same.

BUTTER.

Now that I have you on the edge of your seat, just dying to know what else makes them so dang good besides just the butter, let me just give it to you straight in the form of ingredients and directions.

Ingredients

Saltine crackers
2 sticks butter
1 C brown sugar
1/2 - 3/4 C semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 - 3/4 C butterscotch chips

Directions

1. Grease a cookie sheet with butter and line with saltines.

2. Preheat the oven to 400 F

3. Melt the butter in a pot over medium heat and add brown sugar, stirring constantly. Bring to a boil and stir about three minutes more. It should become thicker and lighten in color.

4. Pour the mixture over the saltines and spread evenly. Bake for 5 minutes.

5. Upon removing the pan from the oven, sprinkle the chips over the top while it's still hot and allow them to soften and melt. Then, using a spatula or icing tool, spread the melted chips evenly across the top. 

The only recommendation I'd add, is to just make them a couple of times and decide for yourself what your favorite 'chip' ratio is. I like a thinner layer of the chocolate/butterscotch, so I lean towards the half cup of each with a tad more chocolate than butterscotch.

Enjoy these perfectly salty, buttery-toffee, chocolatey treats! Whatever you do, make sure you make them for a function in which you must share... or you will eat the entire pan alone. Happy eating, friends!