10 Things They Don't Tell You Before You Get Married

If you've hung around this blog for any amount of time, you know how much I love talking about marriage. Many times, those posts are positive, but they usually have a serious undertone.

Today, though, it's all for fun - all seriousness has been put aside for the sake of harmless humor.

Marriage is such an adventure and taking it too seriously can create a pretty monotone life. Don't all areas of life need a healthy balance? Marriage is no exception. Though some of these won't relate to every marriage, I'd say the general topics are pretty close across the board... and don't forget to share some of your pleasant marriage surprises in the comments!

1. Bathroom talk happens more than pillow talk.

Not to get all crude on you first thing, but it's just #truelife. If you think this sounds gross or weird, just call me up after your first poop emergency post tying the knot... because it will happen. Or the first time one of you gets the stomach bug. Now, this isn't to say pillow talk is non-existent, but your pillow talk might actually include potty talk. When you share a life with someone, you really do share it all. And it's hilarious.

2. Social situations without them, start to feel boring.

This isn't to say that being away from them is unbearable or un-fun... it's just that your spouse makes them more fun. We have so many inside jokes and glances, that sometimes I'll find myself riding solo at an event making Jim faces at an imaginary husband, desperately wishing he had just shared in an awkward moment with me. 

3. In fact, some social situations start to sound like the worst.

Going clubbing, bar hopping, rowdy concerts, spending the weekend with other couples (that aren't your bff couple friends), networking events, and basically any event where everyone else is single.... just to name a few. The upside is, you can easily get out of these situations by throwing your spouse under the bus, and then you congratulate each other on an avoidance well done, by drinking in the comfort of your own home while watching movies in your jamms.

4. You may develop weird names for one another.

They are so weird, I cannot even utter them here. It's like this awkward gradual thing that happens accidentally, when you jumble your words one day while trying to call their name. These names are usually not even remotely based on a real word, which makes them ultra embarrassing and so uncomfortable if anyone hears you mutter it. 

5. Dates get less fancy with each passing year.

"Wanna come grocery shopping with me this week? We can pick something that's not on the list...?!"
This will likely be an area that ebbs and flows, but our first two anniversaries were these lovely events with a nice dinner out and dressy attire.
This year, we visited our favorite Indian restaurant in jeans and t-shirts about a week after the day. And I'm not complaining one bit because naan is life.

6. You get really excited about "boring" purchases.

A new fridge?! Dang, that coffee table is sexy. This new frying pan is theeeee best. That light fixture is the beez-kneez. I love our faucet. Listen to the purr of that garbage disposal.

7. Trips become infinitely better.

Roadtrips especially, because of singing along to musicals and/or making up your own songs out of boredom. Talking for hours and taking little detours and staying in weird hotels is just part of the fun. Flights are also better because of airport people watching and sharing music on the plane. Nothing brings you closer together than trying to navigate a large airport as a team. 
Back to the potty talk: trips together will solidify this part of your relationship because who has a normal system when traveling? Dire situations arise, and they are almost always hilarious in retrospect.

8. You magically forget what 98% of your arguments were even about.

There's always that one argument that never gets lived down, but aside from that, your arguments all pale in comparison to the funny moments you share. I know we have spent hours on a given day not speaking to one another over some pithy thing... and never can we remember what it was about. 

9. Eating at certain restaurants or watching certain shows without the other is soooo sad.

How dare one of you sneaks an episode of Parks and Rec without the other?! Or goes to that restaurant on our date list with some co-workers instead. So much pouting and consolation follows...
"The food really wasn't that good, I promise!" 

10. You will feel overwhelmingly blessed to share life with them.

Especially in all the ordinary moments. Or in the weeks when one of you is sick and the other takes such loving care. Life is full of trials and joys and challenges. But with that friend, lover, companion, and mate to laugh and cry with, you can count yourself truly blessed.

What other funny things don't they tell you about marriage?