Five Years Married
To commemorate five years, I thought I'd do this year's anniversary post a little differently. I sought out or made up some marriage-y questions...
Well, guys, it's been FIVE years! I seriously love every day we've spent together, and the last five years have been nothing short of fun. Sure, there have been some trials in there, but together and with Christ as the center, we've managed to consistently keep life and marriage pretty darn happy. I don't mean to come across braggy or humble braggy or whatever, but it's just the truth. It's our story, our experience, and our personal take. I'm pretty stinking thrilled that we get to do life together. Soon we'll be starting our next crazy adventure as parents (ahh!!), and I cannot wait for the inevitable laughter and tears of this next season. We always keep each other laughing, and try not to take things so seriously that we can't appreciate the little joys.
To commemorate five years, I thought I'd do this year's anniversary post a little differently. I sought out or made up some marriage-y questions. Some are a little "Newlywed Game-esque" and some are more long form, but basically we did a little marriage interview! We both answered each one, so read on for our answers to those burning questions you have about Tom and I. In fact, we answered all of these just last night over our anniversary dinner and cocktails (mocktail for me, of course). This was super fun, and I hope you enjoy, too!
I'd like to point out that stupid balloon. I grabbed it in the dollar section thinking it was MUCH bigger and I cracked up when Tom blew it up! Haha womp womp tiny balloon!
Describe our first kiss in one word.
Tom: Awkward
Joy: … definitely awkward.
(I should note, we were essentially best friends, so it was suuuuuper weird kissing your best friend all of a sudden. However, after that one kiss it wasn’t very awkward anymore ;) )
What were your top 3 moments together from this last year?
Tom: Iceland, finding out that Joy is pregnant, moving to Nashville.
Joy: Having Hondo for a year, finding out I’m pregnant, and moving to Nashville. I would also say Iceland, but I got limited by three!
What do you know about marriage now, that you didn’t know 5 years ago?
Tom: I feel like I didn’t know anything about marriage 5 years ago. All you have to go on is what others tell you about it, and I don’t think they did it justice. For guys, there’s a perception that you give up a lot by getting married, which is so far from reality. It’s amazing, it’s fun, it’s so much better than before, and it gets better every day.
Joy: I just don’t think you can quite fathom how love changes and evolves. At the time you get married, you think you really love that person a lot. More than you ever thought possible. But somehow, with each passing day, that love has grown. I love and appreciate Tom wayyyy more now than I ever did when I was 23. It’s like I didn’t even know what love even was at that point. Also, I think people always talk about how important good communication is… but it bears SO much repeating. Healthy, honest communication is key to so many areas of marriage. After 5 years, I so appreciate starting our marriage off with practicing good communication.
What was your very first memory of your spouse?
Tom: “Hey, want to come sit with us?”
Joy: He was dating a girl in the room next to mine, but my door was open and I was singing along with American Idol on TV, and he just plopped down to hear me sing.
How long had you been dating, when you were you pretty sure you were going to marry your spouse?
Tom: … about a month. Or less.
Joy: Yup. Didn’t take long to know.
What has been the hardest part about marriage?
Tom: Not sure that there is anything in particular that jumps out to me… Maybe it’s hard agreeing on figuring out what we’re going to eat this week…?
Joy: Honestly? In 5 years, I can’t say it’s been hard. There have been hard trials, hard days, moody days, grumpy days… but overwhelmingly, marriage hasn’t been “hard.” Had we not had an established friendship, maybe it would have been, but we were friends first, so we communicate honestly and lovingly.
What is your spouse’s most annoying habit?
Tom: Worry snowballing, e.g. getting herself so worked up by THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME of something. For example, Joy had a solid day and a half before we went to Europe worrying about her teeth falling out in France, and not speaking the language, and I couldn’t translate because I was eaten by a bear, and she had amnesia, and all of our luggage was lost, in a hurricane, in the middle of nowhere, and they only had sharpened rocks to replace her teeth with.
Joy: Eating before putting away cold food and forgetting about it entirely.
(Tom’s response is killing me - hahaha - my front six teeth are fake, if that was confusing to anyone. AND IT’S A REAL FEAR OKAY)
Name a time you were most proud of your spouse.
Tom: One time at Walmart, I was trying to toss a bag of cheese in our cart from like 15 feet away and kept missing. Joy grabbed the cheese, all tough, said she could do it and then ON HER FIRST TRY tossed the bag o cheese between her legs from across the aisle and landed it EXACTLY on the child seat between two other items. Best trick shot ever. She’d never be able to do it again if she tried. Also, this blog. Everyday.
Joy: ...for the record I HAVE tried the cheese shot again, and failed miserably every time. I’m super proud of my cheese moment. Okay but for Tom? His handiness. For our first two years of marriage, we lived in apartments and I never saw him do anything remotely handy. And if he did, it always ended up being a big fail (shelves falling off walls, etc..). But when we got our house, he blew me away! He gutted our downstairs and built our whole kitchen and wired everything and cut countertops perfectly. It was so impressive! And he also installed a tankless water heater. Like, who was this guy?!
Are we more opposite, or similar?
Tom: Similar.
Joy: Similar.
What is one thing we’re really opposite about?
Tom: I love pasta, she does not. This is the saddest part of our marriage.
Joy: I’m much less inclined to invite new technology into our home.
What is one thing we’re really similar about?
Tom: Furniture tastes. Take us into a store. Point at a chair, and we will both say the exact things wrong, right, or odd about it. Every time.
Joy: Trying new foods. Pregnancy has made this harder, but when I don’t have silly pregnancy restrictions, I think I’m most excited for this. Also, house stuff. We can agree on furniture to a T.
What’s my spirit animal?
Tom: A puppy. She is what she loves. Fussy at times, but always wants to be close.
Joy: I don’t think you’d be an animal. I think you’re more like a mixture of an old man, a child, and a nerdy dad. And I can’t wait to see your nerdy dad show up even more in this next season of life. Having said that, you might be an alpaca. Mostly because they seem like they’d wear old man sweaters and Waldo glasses, while running really dorky.
Which of us is more decisive?
Tom: Joy. She’ll say me, because I decide on where we’re going and what we’re doing, but in regards to the minutia, it’s her all day.
Joy: Me.. no wait. Tom. Wait. Hondo? No I think it’s Tom.
(Look! We can’t even decide on who decides better! Maybe neither of us is very good at deciding...)
What do we finish more of: each other’s sandwiches, sentences, or last nerves?
Tom: I’ll eat her sandwiches, we finish each other’s sentences.
Joy: Well, most meals sound like “Tom: Are you done with that?” as I simultaneously say, “I’m done with this.” So sandwiches and sentences at the same time. Nerves, eh.. thankfully it takes a lot for him to get on my nerves.
What is your favorite thing to see your spouse wearing?
Tom: Anything green. Her eyes change color all the time, but they go bright green when she wears that color. Also, giant t-shirts, also known as blogger uniform. She’s most sassy, most comfy, most herself in a xxxxxxxxxxxxl tshirt.
Joy: This is actually really hard. Because Tom in nasty, heavy labor clothes always makes me happy, and I like his usual work clothes or church clothes, but when he gets in comfy pants and snuggles me, that’s probably my favorite. Also when I notice his wedding ring, it still gives me butterflies.
What is your spouse’s favorite food?
Tom: Mexican, but really anything with cheese. Queso, cheesy garlic bread, pizza, cheese plates, cheese, cheese, cheese. We have like 5 pounds of it in the fridge. (this is not an exaggeration)
Joy: Asian. Pho, ramen… mostly the noodle based soup kinds.
What is something your spouse has completely changed their mind about since you’ve been together?
Tom: That I’m handy. She thought I was a total dolt when it came to DIY things for the first 2 years.
Joy: Mushrooms. And Coldplay? He didn’t dislike them, but now he never minds how much I listen to Coldplay.
What was your favorite part of our wedding day?
Tom: As soon as we hit the road to go to Chicago. Thank God for a morning wedding.
Joy: Dinner alone at our hotel the evening of our wedding day.
What is a sure-fire way to get on your spouse’s nerves?
Tom: Leave the toilet paper roll facing inward… or is it outward…? I can never remember.
Joy: OVER, TOM, OVER!!!
Just ONE? We are both the king and queen of pet peeves. The easiest ways to get on Tom’s nerves would be using comic sans, singing a song from Annie, or saying EXpresso (this, only if someone says it repeatedly in a single conversation. It builds).
What is your favorite meal that your spouse cooks?
Tom: Chicken pot pie, or anything baked. The woman can bake.
Joy: Biscuits and gravy. But he also makes a mean ramen.
What’s your spouse’s favorite joke to tell?
Tom: She’s not much of a recurring joke teller. All original content.
Joy: “Who said that?” You have to be there to understand...
What’s your favorite thing to do together?
Tom: Exploring an area together, just the two of us. San Antonio, Iceland, New York, Savannah, Asheville, Florence, Nashville… the locations are great, but exploring them is the best.
Joy: Spending a day exploring new areas and finding new restaurants.
What is your spouse’s signature dance move?
Tom: It was something different in college, but now she does a super dorky flailing arms move that really should be shared with the world.
Joy: Really wide open eyes, serious face, flailing arms, and moon-walky legs. He never breaks eye contact, and he only does this move if I’m there to use as a focus. It’s terrifying, but also hilarious. Again, alpaca.
What personality trait made you fall in love with your spouse that they still exemplify today?
Tom: Sarcasm and how opinionated she was.
Joy: Highly opinionated sassy sarcasm.
Who is the spender?
Tom: It’s me. I’m good at finding deals, okay?
Joy: ...well it’s not me.
What’s something you love about your spouse, that they don’t always love about themselves?
Tom: The way she looks in the morning.
Joy: He can be super assertive, and I think sometimes he’s worried he comes across like a jerk. But I like that about him because it’s a trait a lot of people constantly fight against or don’t use. However, because he’s aware of it, he does a good job remaining kind and I admire that about him.
In the last 5 years, what has been your favorite part of being together?
Tom: All of it. Exploring, traveling, joking, people watching, tasting, crying, being together, sitting and doing nothing, being exhausted from doing too much, living in new cities, talking to new people, coming home to see her after work, waking up and seeing her in the morning, getting Hondo, renovating a home, getting on each other’s nerves, finding the things that only each other would like, knowing the things that the other would hate. All of it.
Joy: Seeing Tom develop in his career while still managing to prioritize being together and go on adventures. I get super restless at sudden intervals, and he’ll gladly get us out of the house, even if he’s kind of spent from being at the office. I just love being with him more than anyone else. He’s my best friend, and when we have to be apart for even a few days, I get unashamedly bummed because I hate missing moments with him. Clingy. Not sorry about it. So, basically, just being together.
There you have it! Cheers to FIVE YEARS! Here are a few photos from this weekend's anniversary adventures:
Four Years Married
Well... that went fast! Sometimes I feel like those double digit anniversaries will come on so quick, but at the same time feel like forever...
Well... that went fast! Sometimes I feel like those double digit anniversaries will come on so quick, but at the same time feel like forever (in a good way) - anyone else sense that?
What can I say? Year four has been one of the happiest and hardest years of our marriage. We've been stretched and challenged, yet loved more fiercely and more sincerely than ever. We have faced hard trials before (as every relationship does at some point) but the trial we've been facing this year has dug deep and brought us closer than ever. I truly believe that trials that any individual faces (let alone a couple) can either strengthen them or break them into pieces. In our case, it's strengthened us, but that's really due to the faith we have in Christ. He has a plan for us, and though it's not the plan we had envisioned, it will be crafted and perfected by our Maker.
Aside from our ongoing trial. I am so incredibly thankful that our marriage itself has remained happy, healthy, and as rich as ever in friendship and love. We've renovated a house, visited family, had family and friends visit us, spent so many waking hours together, welcomed the sweetest puppy into our lives, and pursued our dreams and hobbies side by side. This year has been slower, and one where we've felt settled and content. We all need seasons like that, don't we? Though as two restless souls, we will probably get the itch to "go" soon - ha!
It's hard to believe we've been married longer than a four year college stint. That we've witnessed each other grow from naive, young, college ruffians to naive, young, grown-ups. We've developed new opinions based on new perspectives. We've disagreed and agreed over and over. We've had deep, intellectual conversations, followed by the most ridiculous outbursts you ever did hear. We've adventured together, dreamed up a future together, experienced new things, and tried so many new foods. Maybe it's time to try some WORKOUTS this year - haha! We've learned so much about each other, and how to love more deeply than ever before.
As always, more than anything, I am so grateful for our friendship. One that includes so, so, soooo much laughing. Where sass is prevalent and sarcasm overflows. Where driving each other crazy is not a negative thing, but something we embrace and cherish because it makes life interesting. It's a friendship filled with car-ride duets, long talks (rants) about anything, and spontaneous adventures.
Tom and I are more similar than we are different and neither of us would have it any other way. Our stubbornness is perhaps a major fault in that regard, but we handle it the way we handle everything... with a sassy retort and a smack on the bum. Clears that mulish nature right up. I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm definitely not, and there is certainly a lot of laughing and forgetting about whatever it was we were being stubborn about!
Thomas truly is the love of my life, and I am so incredibly blessed to be the one who gets to spend every day with him and be by his side. He makes me a better person and still loves me amidst my inevitable faults and failures. Over four years (well, six actually) my love for him has grown immensely. He is patient (at least with me - haha), thoughtful, oh-so-handsome, and loves Jesus more than me. He is smart, witty, creative, and works hard. He's unapologetically opinionated and dramatic (another trait we both have ample amounts of) and loves to learn. He makes me feel beautiful and beloved and reminds me of this constantly. He is the man that I never dreamed of marrying, but who God knew was just right for me.
Happy four years, my Thomas. I am so blessed to be your wife, and I can't wait for many more years that feel like forever with you. In the words of Leslie and Ben: I love you and I like you.
Three Years Married
Three years.
It seems like a year, maybe? I remember hitting the one year and feeling like only four months passed us by. Actually, by those measurements, we're right where we should be.
If one year equals four months, in married years, we have officially hit the year mark. I knew I was on to something.
We hit the three year mark nearly a month ago, but I can't pass up an opportunity to talk about the celebration of being married to my favorite person in the world.
Still, after more than five years together, there is no one I look forward to spending time with more than my husband. Our spousal friendship has only ever grown. Maybe you've heard me talk about friendship in marriage before, but I just cannot emphasize it enough.
Of course there are about a million other tiny pieces that make marriages strong, lasting, and all-around enjoyable, but that friendship basis is something I hope we always hold sacred.
If I'm being totally transparent with you, I had long held the belief that your best friend shouldn't be your S.O.
I scoffed at the engagement announcements that read, "I said yes! Marrying my best friend!"
I remember thinking, "Geez girl, get a life. You don't have any close friends outside your S.O.?" I'd usually read those announcements and promptly call up one of my best friends and grab a drink at the nearest bar. This thought even followed me into marriage, because to me, my best friends were my girlfriends.
They still are, but I made a serious revelation.
I was a silly, silly girl. Because the fact is, Tom is my best friend. He's the first person I tell when I have good news or bad. I know all his quirks and listen to his wild ideas and I get to be the one that sees and knows what no one else does. He is also the only known living being who has broken down my angry morning barrier. He is the only sight or sound I can stand before I've downed a cup of coffee, and he actually helps to shield me from anyone I could potentially harm if they attempt breaking this barrier themselves (haha - sorry houseguests). We know more about each other than each other even knows. If that's not a best friend, I don't know what is.
The thing is, as much as Tom is my best friend, he is so much more than that.
We share our faith, our passions, our most ordinary moments, and our most trying times. We have an incredible God to lean on in times of joy and of sadness. We are truly blessed to have been led to one another in this life.
Thomas, I am so grateful to call you my husband and best friend. Adventuring through this crazy life with you is never boring. And on the few times it is, I'm glad you're there to finish the lyrics to my made-up songs. I'm glad you love food, coffee, DIY-ing our house, giving back-rubs, watching weird shows, and creating adventures out of the littlest moments. Happy three year anniversary, my love.
And yes, as soon as the kitchen is finished I'll bake you a cake.
One Year Married
I really cannot believe that Tom and I have been married a whole year. In the grand scheme, yeah, a year is short. But I feel like we've been married for like 4 months - does time progress in marriage?? It's really so wonderful though, and we have already been on a great adventure of marriage together. It's fun to figure things out with someone - there are gives and takes and joys and disappointments and it all converges into such a beautiful thing. I get to share in this guy's life....for the REST of his life! And there has hardly been a dull moment. I swear, friendship is the key to marriage (because obviously I know soooooo much about marriage now that we've been together a WHOLE YEAR!). Seriously though. Tom and I were joking, teasing, good talks, and funny story telling friends before we ever even dated. That friendship grew into more, but the FRIENDS part remained.
Anyways, to celebrate our first year...of course...it mostly involved food.
We're going to become such food and wine snots before we know it.
We didn't do legitimate gifts (okay, Tom got a couple bottles of rye and bourbon, and I get to take myself shopping), but overall, we really enjoy experiences more than THINGS.
So Friday, we made steak and twice baked potatoes to go with a 2009 Italian import red wine that my CEO gave to us for our wedding last year. We saved it just for this occasion, and wow. It was amazing.
Saturday we took a trip to the Basilica of Saint Josaphat in Mil-town because I've never seen it. I adore historical architecture, so it was amazing to finally see it. Breakfast included french press coffee and monkey bread. Oh! And we got BRAND new phones and a new carrier!
Sunday we went to church, spent the afternoon at the mall (happy wife!), drove up to Port Washington where we were supposed to eat at The Pasta Shoppe.....but as I was getting out of the car, I dropped my BRAND NEW phone on the ground and the screen shattered. Soooo we drove BACK to the mall (the nearest T-Mobile) and they were randomly closed an hour earlier than usual. So in between my tears, we decided on a place near downtown Milwaukee and split a bottle of wine. Then we took a walk by the lake and FINALLY headed home. It was a long, fun, very eventful day.
I'll leave a trail of pictures so that this doesn't get long-winded....but cheers to my husband for an incredible year of marriage.