Why The Ring Matters

Fellas, think of this scenario:

You probably have a dream car. Maybe it's even relatively practical. Whatever it is, you are dead-set on having it one day and you are gonna keep it for life and wax it with a baby diaper (Ferris Bueller reference). Let's say it's the newest Corvette.

Now picture this:
One day, your wife pulls up in the driveway in something else.
It's a brand new Ford Fusion.

"Surprise!" she shouts.

This is the car you will drive everyday for the rest of your life. You are overjoyed! What an incredible surprise! You are overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness, and the car really is not only beautiful, but practical. It was an incredibly sweet thing for her to do and you love her even more for it.

... but you wouldn't have chosen that car.

You are not ungrateful in the slightest, but you quietly wish that she had taken your preferences into account. The surprise was stellar! But part of you feels a little sour that this is the car you have to drive for the rest of your life and it's not really your style. Of course you will graciously accept it, and you can't wait to take her on a trip with it... but having your Corvette would have made that thought complete. It's totally fine though, and you love it nonetheless because it's from your adoring, beautiful wife.

Okay.

Now put that scenario into an engagement ring scenario.

I am not saying all women are shallow about engagement rings. We really aren't. But there is no denying that some may dream about them and pick the kinds they hope to have someday. Like any person, we might even get our heart set on one. 

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Let me tell you a story.

Here are some photos of what Tom proposed to me with (left) and what he actually had for me (right).

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We didn't go ring shopping together. We hardly even talked about rings at all....or engagement for that matter. I simply made a couple of hints towards what I did not like (the cut of the ring on the left I had made very clear was not my taste) and a couple of hints of what I did like. I never showed him pictures of my dream ring, and when he proposed, it blew me out of the water. It was a complete surprise. Had I gone ring shopping with him, I would have gotten my heart set on something, and then been disappointed if that's not what I saw when I opened the box. But that's just me.

I fully trusted him to get me the right style... until I opened the box and saw that first ring.

I'm not gonna lie. My heart saaannkkkk. He looked at me adoringly from across the table, beaming. I put on the ring and my mind was going a million miles a minute...

"Did he not have enough money? Did I push him to do this sooner than he was ready? Wasn't he listening when I said I didn't like this cut? In what world would I EVER say no? This doesn't matter. I LOVE HIM. There is no way I could ever say no... but how does he not realize that I would hate this ring? This is sooo not like him.. he knows me better than this! Oh nooo we don't have to get engaged now if you aren't ready, love!"

He watched me, knowing so clearly that this was the absolute wrong ring for me. He just haaaddddd to test me! Of course I would say yes. I knew it was just a ring. I loved him more than any silly old ring. 

He looked at me and asked "Do you love it?" and I peeped out a lie, "Yeah, yeahhhh... I love it!"

Suddenly he dug into his shirt pocket and pulled out the other sparkler.

"Well then what am I going to do with THIS??"

(If you don't know Tom, he's a joker)

*relief* 

He DID listen! It was the exact ring I had my heart set on and I never even showed him a picture. He just knew me well enough and picked up on my hints enough to figure out what I liked. The first ring was a $10 fake from K-Mart - haha!

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Like the car scenario, it wasn't at all about being ungrateful or not overjoyed.
If you really love this person, feelings of happiness and excitement are most certainly going to trump any disappointment you might have in their ring choice.

While we're on the subject though, let me give you a few pointers to point both gentleman and ladies in the right direction:

Ladies,
leaving this all up to interpretation is going to lead to a ring you probably don't love. My advice? Pony up and say, "Hey, I'm not gonna push the subject any more then this, but can I just show you what ring I like? (Just a picture... no need to find the nearest store) I'd prefer you wouldn't guess or think you know what I like and then it's not. It's a big purchase and it would kinda stink for both of us if I didn't care for it, ya know?" By not making your preferences clear, he's left to interpret what he THINKS you like, which may not be accurate. In that case, sorry, but it's not his fault if you don't like it.

Guys,
listen to her. If you want to propose and she hasn't broken the ice on the subject, maybe she's waiting for you to ask. You don't have take her into the store with you (plus, there's no surprise in that), but ask her for some pointers and note them! Also, if you have the assumption that all "good" rings cost upwards of $20,000, think again. Below is a Tiffany and Co. engagement ring. Tiffany's is all crazy overpriced, right? How much would you guess it costs? At LEAST $10,000, right?

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It's $2,950. Less than you thought, huh?

Don't be afraid of ring shopping, guys. It's pretty painless. And if she shows you a picture of a ring, she may be giving you hours of breakdown in precisely what she wants. Don't treat it like a "guide." Take me as an example: I did NOT want diamonds down the band, but I did want a halo. Almost all rings with halos have diamonds down the band. How Tom knew exactly what I wanted is a mystery to me, but I am not complaining.

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All I'm trying to say is that this woman has to wear this ring for the rest of her life. If you had to drive one car for the rest of your life, you would certainly want it to be "you," so keep the same in mind when getting her an engagement ring. You wouldn't want her to spend thousands on that car you didn't like, would you? Same is true in the ring department. Who knows, maybe she would have even preferred something CHEAPER and there you are with a hefty bill and a girl that's a tad disappointed. Learn what she really wants, that's all I'm saying!

Please don't mistake this post for being materialistic or shallow. It's just something that Tom and I have talked about (I even gave him the car scenario before we got engaged and it kind of clicked for him) and I wondered if other couples have had the same scenario cross their minds.

I would have married Tom if he had given me a rubber band. It's the marriage that's important, not the ring... but I'll tell you this, I STILL thank him regularly for giving me the ring I wanted. I never look at it and wish it was different.

So, is it going to be the Corvette or the Fusion for you? :)

The Proposal: A Short Story by Tom Johnson

Four years ago today, a handsome scoundrel asked me to be his wife. It was a proposal that only a man such as my husband would dare attempt, and only the woman so in love with this man and his mischievous ways would have said yes to. It's a captivating story and what better way to tell it than through the words of the very man who did the proposing? I've shared this account before, but it's been some time since then. If you think that I'm dramatic or overly-exaggerating, you haven't seen anything yet. You may want to find some food or drink to sustain you through the following paragraphs...

And if you're deeply curious as to the character of our relationship, the story of Beatrice and Benedick from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing sums it up: Watch This #sassyforlife

Anyways, on to the story:

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It's not all that interesting of a story, but here's how it happened:

t was a glorious day in the small town of Shorewood, Wisconsin. The birds were echoing memories of a summer soon to be gone, the trees were dancing in the calm lake breeze, and the sky sang forth in bright splendor and serenity to all who would take a moment to listen.

Happiest of all creatures was I, for I knew the delight was soon to be brought to the one that I hold so dear. I joined her that morning, as is our weekly custom, to celebrate the forgiveness and redemption that is granted by the grace of God at Luther Memorial Chapel, a congregation that had welcomed us with their hearts and hearths on many a bright Sunday morning before.

After we had received forgiveness, the Holy Sacrament, and been invigorated by the preaching of the Law and Gospel, we set forth to find ourselves a place where we could enjoy each other’s company whilst satisfying our ravenous appetites. We found this feat quick to accomplish, for in the land of Shorewood are many a happy café all which tantalize the senses by whispering with their sweet aromas and tempting with goods hung in gaily-lit stoops.

We come upon a small establishment which bore a sign telling a tale of rooftop tables, a quiet garden, and peaceful separation from the busy streets. My mind's eye was filled with the tranquil scene that we would discover there and I nearly leaped with pleasure as I thought of the scene which was about to set forth in such a place. We at once hailed the cheery staff and inquired as to the seating arrangements. The knowledge soon came to us that food service would not be ready for at least another half of an hour. This news was disheartening at first and I prepared myself to leave, hat in hand, but Joy, possessing a cooler head and a calm demeanor, faced out tribulation and coaxed out the knowledge that we could stroll the rooftop garden and look upon the shining skyline of the city while we waited for one of the staff to attend to us. This news was gladly received and we headed to the aforementioned garden to await our steward.

Before I go any further, I must first speak to a plan that had been set in motion days before the events which I am describing:

I, behaving as a rapscallion, have always put on airs that I was not interested in marriage to anyone at any time and as such, led Joy to believe that she would die an old maid. Before you lay judgment upon me, know this: It was all a ruse to make her all the more shocked when the eventuality of proposal came and I had indeed thought about such an occasion many a time before.

Realizing that my clever deception was assured of success, I then decided to further dismay the lady by proposing to her with a ring that I had purchased from K-mart. This ring, a sad and fragile object, was bought with the knowledge that it was exactly what my fair Joy had determined to be the least appealing cut of stone, nay even repulsive to her countenance. She had informed me on many occasions, using her extensive cunning and suggestion, of her absolute detest for a certain style and shape of rings and precious stones. I knew at those times that the ferocity and frequency of her mentioning could only be a slight indication of her hatred for its design and therefore was thoroughly informed as to what she did not want to bear as a token of companionship till the end of her days.

However, in those rants about the ugliness of certain rings, I did also glean a good many details as to the shape and size of the ring that she longed to adorn her slender finger. With this knowledge played close to my chest, I went and purchased two rings; one containing artificial stones which would bring her unbelievable anguish, the other, to give an elation that I could not comprehend until the deed was done and still wonder at to this day.

Now you know, and we can go back to my tale

On the rooftop there was indeed a happy garden and a small path to walk about. After walking the course of it and admiring the many different plants and adornments, we decided to take a seat at one of the empty tables that sat adjoining the garden and resolved to enjoy the pleasure of each other’s company until such a time as we could order food.

After gazing into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a dozen ages of the earth and yet a flash in time, fleeting as the evening sun, my thoughts were taken from the rooftop. I began to focus, with an intensity that could be rivaled only by the beauty of the one whom I adored, on the precious ring that I had left in my car, thinking that doing so would afford me a more opportune moment later in the day. My thoughts raced around the deepest recesses of my existence and fell upon one seemingly incontrovertible assessment; waiting one more aching moment to present her with the ring would only delay our shared elation. I could not come to any reason to explain my hesitance to leave the ring’s presentation to circumstance so instead I decided to take action.

Summoning up the courage to tell a small deception to my beloved, I asked to excuse myself, weaving a tall tale of a weak bladder and strong coffee. Luckily for me, the tale fell upon unsuspecting ears, my heart pounding a drum loud enough to rouse the elephants of Hannibal’s army to face the fray, and thus I escaped with true motives hidden.

After making my shaky exit I ran through the avenues of the city, my feet churning beneath me with the vigor and fortitude of destiny. I knew that if e’er I walked those streets again, I would walk them not as a solitary being on the face of this world, but as one to whom another is forever fated to walk arm in arm with.

I came upon my humble vehicle and nearly tore the door off in apprehension. Freeing the token from the hiding place among the seats would have given a less determined man pause, but I extracted it from its former obscurity with the skill of a practiced surgeon and turned towards the homeward journey with a fire in my eyes. The return journey seemed to pass in the flash of an instant, the world blurring past my perceptions, veiled as it was in the focus on my end goal. I raced down the path, my heart ebbing and flowing with the very spirit of the city on whose arterial boulevard I now shared pulse with.

The stairs to the rooftop offered no protest, for they saw I was in no mood to give way to exhaustion of a steep ascent. Upon reflection, I would wager that even Everest in all its might would have yielded to my whims, for I was a man with purpose.

I arrived on the rooftop, immediately putting on a demure persona. Though the very depths of my soul screamed out in rapture at the sight of the girl, I knew that I could contain my emotions until the opportune moment. I must! The buildup to this moment was only felt by one party on that rooftop and I bore the truth that soon it's culmination would be shared a thousand fold in her face. But first, I must play the fool.

I must admit, I felt as though I was as transparent as a clear night sky is between the heavens and the earth, but to my delight, she gave no indication that they was something amiss in my behavior. After a moment or two, Joy excused herself to use the facilities which I had used as cover for my absence, and I had to be quick of wit when she asked me for their location. I gave a vague description of where they were, hoping that my information would not lead her too far away from the intended destination.

Once she had left, I removed the box (which still contained the fake ring) from my pocket and placed it under a large napkin on the table to wait for her return. Passing seconds tricked slowly by, each one held by my mind before given permission to depart, and I began to wonder if the direction I had given had led her so far astray that she was now wandering in a labyrinth of halls cursing the heavens in my name.

But lo! The fair lady was there with me! Her delicate rose-petaled hand e’en now hovered next to the hidden token she would carry on her finger until the end of her days. I was suddenly struck by depth of the deed I had put into motion. I was to be united to this woman… but not until she did deem it to be so.

Would she accept?!?

A denial would be my undoing!!

Anguish!

Ahhhhh, me! I was rocked to the core and frozen in place. How to ask? What to say? How could I have laid out the plans so quickly, that I neglected to decide what my next move would be? Had I more time to prepare, and been a more clever man, I would have had doves prepared to descend, a band of loot and lyre set to strike up at a word, and the very depths of the earth to shout out with me in song!

But I sat…..

I realized that the deed needed to done. Come. What. May. It must be done.

Not with a band, not with doves, not with any sounds but the gentle whisper of the breeze on the happy trees. She would see it, and her reaction would be all the symphony that I would need.

I removed the napkin.

Shock

Wide eyes met mine
 

I saw the tremble of her hand. The quiver of a lip. The Gasp! Oh Sweet Symphony! She was elated! She was happy! The light of a thousand suns shone on her face!

She opened the box…

Shock

Wide eyes met mine

I once again saw the tremble of her hand. The quiver of a lip. She…. was…. horrified… The ring that she loathed now sat in front of her eyes. Her mind that was a split second before blank now came flooding in with emotions.

What a scoundrel I am, ‘tis so. Heaven forgive me for putting my sweet Joy through that moment, but ohhhhh was it a thing to see! I witnessed the birth and destruction of Rome, the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, the rising of the sun and it’s setting in that instant.

But did I stop there? How could I?

I reached into my being and asked coyly, 

“Do you love it?”

…......................

Some questions have a more complete answer given by the pregnant pause in preface, than by any responded thesis of a thousand pages. This was one of those questions and one of those pauses.

...She breathed out a shakily emphatic,

“Yes.”

A lie! But a sweeter one was never spoken! Did I need any more proof that this woman loved me? If she had thrown herself in front of a bullet for me the statement would have meant as much. She loved me! I knew it well before, but she was willing to suffer through her greatest fear in order not to part ways with me!

I could not make her wait longer. I had put her through enough anguish!

I liberated the ring from it's captive prison and asked,

“Well then, what am I going to do with this one?”

This time she leaped out of the chair! She rushed over to me, love pouring out of every part of her being!

She said yes!

Anyways, that’s how it happened.