10 Things That Went Right With Our Wedding
Ages ago, I wrote about all the flubs that happened on or surrounding our wedding... so today, I thought it should be followed up with all the things that went right. Honestly, the majority of it went right, but I'll give you all the highlights!
1. Our venue.
Shortly after we got engaged, Tom and I started casually looking for venues and happened upon an old villa overlooking Lake Michigan. My parents got to make the official decision, but after my mom saw it in person for the first time, it was a done deal. It was absolutely stunning.
2. A morning wedding and brunch reception.
Read this post on why I loved having a morning wedding. In summary, Tom and I, though not morning people, loved our coffee dates and Sunday brunches together. So the overall idea was very fitting, and it was incredibly cost effective for a Saturday.
3. My flowers didn't die.
We got married in Wisconsin, but I got my flowers from Iowa! My parents brought them along, and they had to survive about 24 hours before my wedding even started.
4. Spring weather.
We got married in April, and though it was still a little brown in Wisconsin, I wasn't sweaty! It was a little chilly, but I personally prefer that over sweaty.
5. The food.
Our brunch menu was soooo good. I didn't know for months later, but there were donuts! We had a coffee bar, mimosas, egg bake, fresh fruit, donuts (apparently), pastries, and all sorts of other hot items that I do not even remember. All I know is that people still remember our wedding food because it wasn't chicken or steak.
6. It was small.
Though Tom and I were often the "life of the party" in college, and had a lot of friends and family, we opted for a more intimate wedding with just over 70 guests. It was hard not inviting certain people, but we're glad that we can say we're still close to nearly all our guests.
7. Our attire.
I still adore my wedding dress. My figure was petite and shapely, and my dress accentuated it very well. Tom bought a suit instead of a tux, and I think it was a much better decision. In terms of looks and budget!
8. We were able to get matching wedding bands.
Tom and I really wanted rose gold wedding bands, but they were nearly impossible to find anywhere. We found Tom's in a secondhand jewelry store, and we had mine made in a vintage jewelry shop. We liked them because they were unique, and because the yellow, white, or dark bands looked weird on Tom's hand. I love that they match and am so grateful we figured out how to find them!
9. My brother officiated.
Tom and I come from families filled with pastors, including both our dads. However, we both agreed that we just wanted our dads to be dads on our wedding, and I asked my brother to officiate instead. He did a wonderful job and it was really special to have him up there and give such a wonderful message of grace, faith, and salvation. It meant a lot and it's one of my favorite parts of the day.
10. We became husband and wife.
There's nothing like being legally and religiously bound to your best friend for the rest of your life! Haha... it really was just the start of an amazing relationship. One where we fall in love more every day. Where we laugh, argue, work things out, laugh some more, make decisions, hug, kiss, tease, surprise, listen, and be each other's constant and life-long best friend. It amazes each of us how much a relationship can gain when it's nourished with God's Word and treated with gratefulness and forgiveness. If I love my future children even half as much as I love Tom (or he loves me), I think they'll be well off :)
What went RIGHT on your wedding?
Also, honorable mention to our photographer that day : James Saleska.
Stop Treating Marriage Like Damaged Goods
During our engagement Tom and I heard it all:
- Why are you getting married so young? What's the rush?
- I got married right out of college and we got divorced shortly after. We were young and dumb.
- Marriage gets boring after the honeymoon stage.
- Wait till you have kids.. good luck making time for each other.
- Oye - have fun living with a man-child.
- After you get married, you'll realize how annoying that person really is.
- Marriage is more work than you realize.
After we got married it continued:
- How long have you been married? Two years? The honeymoon stage is almost over!
- Enjoy dates now, when you have kids that all ends.
- It's cute how you two always hold hands - it doesn't last long, enjoy it!
- You'll understand when the honeymoon stage ends.
- I wish MY husband held the door for ME...
Why do we batter marriage the way that we do? Why don't we lift it up and speak well of it?
I would hear these phrases thrown at us in the height of our elatement to be married and easily brush them off with the warm-fuzzies I felt for my husband. It's funny, though, the things that crop back up in retrospect. Why didn't these people offer words of encouragement and blessings? Of course, many did offer loving gestures and congratulations... but why were they sometimes followed up with words of distaste and annoyance with the institution of marriage?
We all have experiences of our own, and each of us wants to offer advice when a moment arises that it may seem useful. But why not advice that offers the bad with the good?
Marriage is hard work, they were right... but it is so much more than that.
Marriage is...
true
noble
right
pure
lovely
admirable
excellent
...it is worthy of praise.
Sound familiar? From Phillippians 4:8.
Of course, it doesn't always look like those things... of course, of course, of course. We are two sinners and have definitely hit some awful trials. Those that go into marriage with such high expectations of their happiness being dependent on this one person, and who believe love without honeymoon-like elation is not love, are deeply fooled. Thomas and I married for the right reasons and at the time when we were ready (to answer why we got married 'so young').
I remember going to a resort to surprise my mom for her birthday, about a year after we got married. The majority of my siblings, their spouses, and children were able to go, and we all spent the daytime at the several indoor waterparks in the resort (it was in Wisconsin, obviously). Tom and I had been on all the fun, rowdy rides and had been making sure nieces and nephews didn't capsize in the wave pool. We decided to take a break and float the lazy river in a two person tube. We talked, people-watched, laughed, and gave back rubs to each other. As a young mom floated by, she asked, "Are you two newlyweds?" to which we simply nodded, smiled, and referenced our wedding a year before. This stranger's question was meant sweetly and I appreciated that she noticed our happy demeanor as a couple.
And then... I made up a challenge.
"Tom," I said, "let's always fool people into thinking we're newlyweds. I don't care if we have kids or if we're tired and annoyed with each other. Or even if we're 65. Will you promise to always have fun with me like a giddy newlywed? Hold my hand no matter what. Make it a point to sit next to one another at social gatherings. Even when there's squirmy kids, let's put each other first." and he agreed.
You see, so often marriage is kicked to the curb. By the unmarried and married alike. It's joked about and poked and prodded with this overarching, impending end to happiness. As if once the rings have been exchanged, you'll find out that it's a big hoax and you actually become super miserable.
But friends, don't buy it.
Stand up for marriage and the gift that it is. It's a promise to hold someone in high regards as your companion and friend for life. Don't berate the man you married and call him a drooling slob in front of others. Speak well of him. Don't turn your wife into a control-psycho-maniac when you're talking to the guys. Lift up her strengths and poise.
Currently, I'm reading the first of Mindy Kaling's books called, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me. Mostly it's a funny memoir of her life, experiences, and opinions. She is living in the Hollywood realm, but her views on marriage are traditional, and when she wrote about it in one chapter it made me proud to read her book. The chapter was titled "Married People Need to Step It Up." In it, she references the countless divorcees she is acquainted with, and how so many people around her are ruining the good things about marriage for her. She goes on to talk about the marriages she admires, like that of her parents, who's friendship is what chalks them up as a great couple.
Then, she speaks well of marriage. Here are some snippets:
"I want to hear that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat... I want to hear about it, because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself. ...part of me still thinks, is it really so hard to make it work? ...And I'm not saying marriage should always be easy. But we seem to get so gloomily worked up about it these days.
Married people, it's up to you. It's entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It's a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board. Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have."
When I read that very last sentence, I knew I had to write this post. Mindy is a single woman. When married people talk so begrudgingly about marriage, people like Mindy hear it and think to themselves "How could you say that? You wake up to a great person every day!" Maybe it was just me (I don't think it was), but in college I used to always envy the sweet relationships around me. I actually watched people meet and date their future spouses and I loved seeing it happen. But I wanted it too. I would think about and pray for my future husband. By God's grace and blessing, I did meet that man in college. Not everyone gets that so early in life and Tom and I make it a habit to be grateful for each other every day.
The next time you find yourself in a group of women and they're all insinuating that their spouses are slobbering idiots, stand up for yours and build him up. When the other men are talking about 'their old lady' who's got them on a tight leash, tell them how much your lady rocks. Make it a habit to do the little things you stopped doing after 'the newlywed stage.' Don't just flip out the light and roll over to sleep... say goodnight, cuddle, talk about the best parts of your day. Pick up your spouse's favorite candy to have during 'your show' once the kids are in bed - and when your kids beg to have some when they see it in the pantry, say no! Make it a point to sit next to your spouse during social get-togethers. Appreciate, cherish, and prioritize that person.
When you see another young couple about to say their vows, lift them up in prayer. Tell them how wonderful marriage is... even after a whole bunch of years. Give them solid advice for making marriage a little easier when the going gets tough. Challenge them to drag the honeymoon stage out for their lifetime, instead of talking about its impending doom. Be an example of the joy and privilege of being married to the love of your life.
Stand up for marriage, friends. Speak well of it. Put the very best construction on the gift you have, that others are praying for. Be psyched about it, because it is sooooo worth being psyched about.
Why You Shouldn't Live Together
My husband and I have been married just over two years. Before getting married, we did not live together. We graduated from college in May 2012 and I lived with my best friend and he chose the bachelor life in an apartment closer to his work and about an hour away from me. Because of our upbringing and traditional, Christian beliefs, living together never even crossed our minds. It was a 'given' that that wasn't something we would do.
To tell you the truth, it was one of the smartest things we've done. Let me break it down.
Why you shouldn't live together:
1. Learn independence
Whether you're still in college, just graduated, or out for two years; learning independence and fending for yourself is so important. You take care of your own bills, buy your own clothes, live with your best friends, and simply learn more about yourself. It's a time to decorate however you want, eat whatever you want, and go to bed after reading trash magazines and binge watching Netflix with your best friend (cue Miss Independent). Take this time to prove you can handle yourself. You know where the DMV is and you most certainly can remember to get your oil changed on time. These are good lessons.
2. Stability
This goes along with independence, but it deserves it's own note because financial stability is a very hard lesson to learn. You learn limits fast. Suddenly, you have to choose between the new tops you found at Express, or your next three meals. It's about prioritizing. For me, the value of money and 'things' changed. That time in my life has forever caused me to become a minimalist and never take money for granted. Living off toast for a week because rent, gas, utilities, and my phone bill were due at the same time has never left my memory, and it made me a frugal person. It changes you.
3. You won't take your S.O. for granted
Living apart made me appreciate my relationship more. You worry about each other driving in inclement weather. You miss each other. Seeing each other is special and saying goodbye is hard. Many might agree that living apart made them love their S.O. a little extra.
4. You have to work harder at your relationship
Along with taking each other for granted, you also realize that it still takes work to be together. Dates still need to be planned. Meeting up regularly has to become habitual and take high priority. There's no room for complacency if you want your relationship to work.
5. Physicality is more exciting
So often you come across those articles about how sex stops after marriage. Word of advice: don't live together beforehand. If you choose not to live together, the temptation isn't constantly lurking across the bed. Living apart puts a greater focus on more important portions of your relationship (dating, communication, etc..). Let the sex come later. Let it be new.
6. You'll give more time to friends and family
Whether you're choosing instead to live with your friends/alone/with family, being independent of your S.O. will give you a chance to choose how you spend your time. Again, you will learn to prioritize your relationship, and the relationships you have with others. Your time will be your own.
7. Forces you to take the next step
Why would you bother spending the money, time, and energy to plan a wedding if you're already reaping the benefits of marriage by living together? You've got a great girl sleeping next to you, cooking for you, coming home to you every night... why spend thousands on a wedding or a ring? Yeah, and what if that same girl dumps you one day and takes your dog with her? No legal repercussions. You get as little or as much as you can work out with your ex. So awkward! Not living together forces you to either fish or cut bait. I do not mean this as a way to 'trap' someone in a relationship. But if this person loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you, they need to decide for themselves while living independently of you if they are ready to take that step. They would know it would be costly, but the end result would be commitment and companionship for life. Those who say they need to 'test drive the car before they buy it' are missing the point of marriage. You are not always going to have a smooth ride with this person. Sometimes marriage is going to stink. But when you weigh the good against the bad and realize that you are committed to making it work no matter what, and they are too, then make the leap. You don't need to live together to figure that out.
8. Marriage will feel earned
Yes, so often living together would be loads easier. My husband lived 15 minutes from where I worked, but instead I drove 45 minutes. When you spend so much time waiting for things, it feels earned to finally have the things you waited for. I earned it to finally live close to work. He earned it to finally have a beautiful woman cook him dinner. We earned it to receive some gifts to start us off in our life together, from the people who loved us most. We waited to finally spend every day together and wake up next to the person we dreamt of waking up to only months prior. Man, it makes you grateful. Even two+ years later - waking up next to my husband is such a pleasure.
9. Marriage is just... easier
Who pays the rent? Utilities? Do you share groceries? Who pays??? Tom and I lament over this one a lot. All the other good things about marriage aside, everything is just so much easier when you have the same last name. Same checking account, bills in both names, groceries come from one account. Easy peasy. I just can't fathom the stress of trying to make expenses fair when you aren't married. Don't get me wrong, obviously people make it work, but... why? Just for the sake of convenience, marriage is awesome. Haha!
10. It's just more exciting to wait
No, but really. Waiting to live together until you're married is just more fun. I was nervous, excited, worried, etc... and when the day finally came, it was so worth the wait.
It was a privilege and still is. It taught me to not take my spouse for granted. I learned what it was like to not wake up to him when I really wanted to. I had to wait. It wasn't easy, but it was more than worth it. There are so few novelty experiences anymore because we just do what we want when we want to. When you learn patience, you learn to appreciate. Through that you understand gratefulness and becoming less selfish.
What are your thoughts on this? Agree, disagree, indifferent? Everyone will differ on their beliefs and opinions. For us, it was a matter of morals and values based on shared faith. Either way, I hope this gave you something to think about or enjoy. Happy Monday! :)
My Husband Is An Enabler
Myyyyyy husband.
I am madly in love with the man. I hope everyone loves their husbands a whole bunch because it's such an amazing gift. Every day (no joke), I actually say in my prayers that I am so thankful to God that he put this exceptional man in my life.
Now, I could ramble on about this fella all day and get all sorts of mushy on you.
But I'm here to tell you about something my husband basically makes impossible.
Dieting.
It's no secret that he loves to cook, and I love to bake. Spending time in the kitchen is a hobby of ours and we LOVE finding new ways of making something. When he cooks, I follow behind his every move and clean up after him, because he's really messy. But I love it! It's time spent together, laughing, bumping into each other, and stealing a kiss.
The other night we read through some of those "questions to ask your spouse" lists, just for kicks. One of the questions was "what is your favorite thing you've bought as a couple?" Tom said our mattress because it was a great investment, very comfortable, etc.. I said (through laughter) "groceries."
The last two years of eating yummy dinners and catching up on favorite shows can be tough on a little woman. So I've occasionally slipped into trying to cut back or say "no" more often... but it just isn't that easy with Tom around (queue entrance of 6'4" Goliath husband with the appetite of four men).
Last night on a walk, we wandered into Kroger to look at weird foods we've never noticed on a normal grocery trip. All was well and we weren't planning on getting anything... but suddenly, we saw some QUESO. I know what you're thinking... big whoop, every grocery store has queso..." No no no. You do not understand. Tom knows that when I get in the mood for a certain food, I don't stop thinking about it until I've had it. Like I once thought about those sour ropes coated in sugar for a solid three months before we broke down and bought them to sneak into a theater. Only then did those stupid ropes stop cropping up in my subconscious. So, like the many other times, he knew I had queso-on-the-brain. BECAUSE QUESO. However, he also knows I'm trying to say "no" more often. Yet again, queue Goliath husband hunger...
T: Ohhh it's the authentic Mexican kind. Really melty like in restaurants.
He then sees my googly-eyes filled with floating bowls of queso.
J: ...but you didn't bring your wallet did you..
Frantically starts feeling all his pockets... EUREKA!
We made the arduous five minute walk home with our queso and watched as two men outside a gymn measured their biceps. Thankfully, the girth we would soon acquire from the intake of melty cheeses could only be measured in happiness and pleasure.
Did I regret gorging myself in authentic Mexican queso? ...my husband is good at being that little demon on my shoulder whispering "it's okay - it was worth it" so no. Not at all.
Therefore my theory has been proved (time and time again): My husband makes dieting impossible. He is unashamedly an enabler. Within 24 hours of my formally announced "endeavor to be better" he's asking if I'll make him some snickerdoodles.
I think he thinks he's showing me love. Which he obviously is, because apparently my favorite purchase I've made with him are GROCERIES and not our nice cross-over vehicle or something like that. Nevertheless, I have a consistent war in my head over whether I should throw care to the wind and have a beer with my husband, or pout while I watch him eat the rest of the ice cream container alone.
Tom actually caught himself being an enabler in the queso scenario last night and quoted the following line from When Harry Met Sally. Except he exchanged "hate you" with "diet." (We definitely don't hate each other. And we love queso)
SEE?? YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DIET
Is your spouse an enabler? Do you secretly (not so secretly) really love that they are? I know I do...
The Office Spouse vs. The Home Office Spouse
How many of you work from home, or have a spouse that works from home?
This was a new endeavor for Tom and I when we moved to Georgia last year.
Previously, in Wisconsin, we both had the typical 9-5. We left for work within 10 minutes of each other, and arrived home within a 10 minute span too. We had weekends together, holidays had to be planned based on PTO availability, appointments were made in early mornings or evenings, and so on. We got used to the routine of it all, but honestly, it felt TOO routine after two years. It felt like we were always "working for the weekend." Every weekday evening was a welcome zone-out from the pressures of the day, and we were more than happy to make dinner together and veg.
Now, I work from home. I make appointments during the day, meet Tom for spontaneous lunches, and our time off is unlimited (so thankful he has a job that allows that freedom!).
The everlasting problem of this Office Spouse vs. Home Office Spouse thing is downtime.
Now, Tom comes home from the office with that need to zone-out, but some nights (not super often), I get an urgent desire to just get OUT of my office. I've tried to compromise by doing something free, but a change in scenery. Like going for a drive together, walking around an outdoor mall, etc... but it never lasts long because I have a tired husband on my hands. I want to respect his needs for relaxation while meeting my needs of restlessness. I save us money by having all my meals at home, scrounging for what we have that doesn't require lots of cleanup. Then, Tom comes home and we have dinner... at home... while catching up on a Netflix show. I'm not complaining, because eating-in really does save money, but what does one do about that cabin fever?
I've tried working from coffee shops, until I've suddenly spent $20 in one week on coffee I can get at home. I try to get out during the day (errands and such) so I'm less restless by the evening, but then that leaves me working into the night. Plus, I tend to do my best, most productive work first thing in the morning and into the afternoon, so doing errands during that time can throw me off. I've also tried to implement an after-work walk, but dinner usually trumps that, followed by a digestive resting hour (haha)... not to mention his workload might put him home at varying times throughout the week so you can't count on a certain time.
How does one balance the office spouse/home office spouse thing? Are you in a similar situation? Would love your thoughts or ideas!
Two Years Married
Two years ago I married this guy.
It was not the best day of my life. It was a beautiful, memorable day... but the best days of my life have followed.
In two years we have...
- Changed jobs and even careers
- Moved 800 miles away from where we started
- Learned how to argue and how not to argue
- Loved each other more with each day
- Felt homesick
- Constantly learned from one another
- Laughed every.single.day.
- Visited places neither of us have ever seen
- Dreamt about our future
- Started looking at houses together
- Met new, wonderful people
- Worshiped, prayed, and forgave
- And then loved some more
In a future post, I'm going to share my thoughts on the way the world perceives marriage. How it's been cheapened and battered and unappreciated. The world makes marriage look like a man with his tail between his legs and a woman with a wooden mallet. And that marriage makes you a shell of a person... how wrong that thinking is!
Being married to someone so wonderful makes life brighter, sweeter, and blessed. God gave me someone I can be myself with. Someone who challenges me to be a better person, friend, sibling, and daughter. He makes me laugh, and holds me when I cry. I am safe with my husband and he is always safe with me. There are many intimate conversations that are so unique to a married couple. Talking about your future together, making plans, noticing quirks, thoughtful actions and words... are all so interesting and beautiful in the friendship of marriage. In two years we have significantly grown and matured, but we have remained playful and light-hearted (personality traits that I think will always remain). I am so very, very blessed to be the wife of someone so loving and strong in character. Thanks be to God for such a blessed two years!
Our anniversary was actually on Monday. My parents were just in town, stopping through on their way to Florida, so this post is a little late. We dressed up and went out for seafood - Our dinner was full of laughs (of course) and we had a lovely time. As is typical, we ate too much and went into a food coma upon arriving home :) I'll just leave you with a couple snapshots:
12 Things That Went Wrong With Our Wedding
Weddings are happy, beautiful, joyous occasions. Sometimes, though, things go wrong. Those things could be big (a wedding cake toppling over before it gets sliced) or little (a bridesmaid is a little late for hair-styling). No matter what, the day works out, and in the end, two marvelous people are married and their guests are rejoicing in their new life together. That's what really matters, afterall.
The fact does remain, though... almost every wedding has a few hang-ups. Whether that bridezilla can handle it or not, things go awry. Luckily for you, today I am going to share with you what went wrong on our wedding (or in planning).
- We had two hotels listed on our invitations for people to get blocked rooms. Under each hotel was its address... but only after we had them sent out did we realize the addresses were switched. So the first hotel had the other hotel's address underneath it... My husband designed our invitations.
- My wedding shoes were too big and I had to stuff the toes with Kleenex.
- After my dad gave me away, I tripped going up the stairs towards the altar and almost fell. There was an audible gasp from all our guests.
- Some friends were in charge of getting to the reception early to get centerpieces on the tables, but while family photos were being taken, they called my mom and informed her that all the doors were locked and they couldn't get in. There was some frantic run around, but they got it done before everyone arrived!
- After the ceremony, everyone was to go to a gorgeous villa less than ten minutes south of the church. My parents who basically planned the whole wedding (mom, to be exact) put in the reception address on some ancient GPS and went 20 minutes in the complete opposite direction. They held up the reception until we couldn't hold it off any longer, and we started without them. They made a grand entrance when they arrived, of course.
- At least my parents being late gave us more time to work on my bustle, because my maid of honor and new sister-in-law could not figure it out! It never ended up looking the way it was supposed to, but I was too busy to notice :)
- Our $200 DJ was exactly what we paid for. He played S&M at a brunch. It was bad.
- Tom and I were just getting ready to leave the reception. We were going to drive from Milwaukee to Chicago and fly to Cancun in the morning. Suddenly, I realized that my bag of makeup, toiletries, shampoo, etc. had been in my sister's car (who had left about an hour before). Frantically, everyone tried to call her only getting to her voicemail. Thankfully, she and her family had simply gone down the road to see Lake Michigan and were caught before they left town.
- We had plans to go to a super unique bar in downtown Milwaukee after the reception and before we left town, to get cool pictures. But since we had a brunch reception, we didn't realize that the bar wouldn't open until 3PM, so we ended up in a weird bowling alley.
- On our way to Chicago after the reception, Tom took a wrong turn and we ended up in traffic for much longer than expected. For a couple of newlyweds, that was not fun ;)
- As we were descending into Mexico for our honeymoon, Tom couldn't find his passport. We dug through everything we had on board and the nice lady next to me even helped. Thankfully, I found it wedged between the seat and the wall of the plane. I got passport duty after that. And as any good new wife, I told him I would be going to Mexico without him if he didn't find it. Sorry not sorry!
- Last but DEFINITELY not least... our marriage license got lost in the mail to the county registrar. It was never found and I couldn't get my name officially changed for a month. We had to get a new "copy" (we'll never have an original) and have it sent around to all our witnesses in the mail and have them resign it. The county was going to charge me an arm and a leg to get copies the same day (after waiting a MONTH and taking vacation time to be there so many times) and I completely lost it at the Milwaukee County Court House, bawling and unable to put together cognizant sentences, and a deputy officer had pity on me and (I think) paid the extra fees.
Some of these things seemed like such a big deal that day. In retrospect, who cares? Tom and I are married, happy, and about to celebrate our second anniversary. The best part of that day is that it was the start of our life together. And let's be honest, the most memorable parts of our wedding were definitely the screw-ups...
How about you? Have you witnessed some wedding woes? Did your own wedding have some fails? Let's hear about it!
I Love My Husband (By Choice)
"I love you... by choice" seems like a pretty unromantic thing to say, doesn't it?
Think for just a moment about the the little choices you make on a regular day-to-day basis.
The choice to clean the kitchen.
The choice to leave early and miss the traffic.
The choice to read that extra story to the kids.
The choice to pick up groceries.
Now, if you stopped making those little choices, what would happen?
The kitchen might get messier and messier and become an even bigger task to clean up.
If you do not leave early, you might get stuck in that traffic and show up late to work.
If you skip that extra story, you might get a head-start on bed, but you'd miss that sweet extra moment with your babies.
If you don't pick up the groceries, you'll most likely end up eating some bad fast food, or spending more money than you should have at a restaurant.
Love is no different. Love has, wound up in its core, so many pieces that make it one... honesty, vulnerability, trust, patience, kindness, unselfishness, and so many others. Some will say that love is an action. Sure, parts of love require action. That could be physicality, doing the dishes, giving a gift, spending time together, or telling your wife that you appreciate her. Sounds like the five "love languages" huh? Yes, you can even feel love.
But even in all those variables, is a choice.
I choose to be patient with my husband. He chooses to be kind to me. I choose to do the dishes when he's had a long day, and he chooses to snuggle me just a little longer in the morning.
When so many people leave their spouses exclaiming it's because they "fell out of love," I believe it's because they chose to. Did they stop thanking their spouse for doing the laundry? Or giving them a long hug and a kiss before they left for work? Did they forget to call their wife when they made it safely to their business trip across the country? Did they get the kids ready for school so their spouse could sleep in, just this one time? Or did they keep their plans with their friends, even though their partner was sick?
When you stop choosing your spouse, every day, it shows. Just as choosing not to style your hair shows... and leaving work at the worst time shows... and not cleaning the kitchen shows. Every choice that we make affects another aspect of our lives. In marriage, that truth resounds.
Every morning, I choose my husband. I choose to slowly wake up with him and chit-chat before getting ready for the day. I make coffee for us without even thinking about it, but without fail I hear a "thank you for making coffee" from that sweet guy I call husband. If I intentionally stopped making coffee, I would in turn stop hearing that thank you. That doesn't seem like it would be the worst thing to ever happen... right?
That's where choosing love presents itself in a much bolder sense. Sure, it's an easy choice to love someone who makes you coffee everyday and thanks you for picking up the living room. But when they don't do those things? That is where you intentionally choose love.
We're imperfect. Every single being on this earth is imperfect. By God's grace, we are forgiven. We don't deserve forgiveness. We can't even earn it. But He chooses us, each day. What a GIFT! When I look at my failures and all the places I fall short, it would be easy not to love me. But God doesn't "fall out of love" with me. He forgives me, day in and day out. He chooses me. Not by my own reason or strength can I believe in Jesus Christ or come to HIm... but He calls me by the Gospel, enlightens me with His gifts, sanctifies and keeps me in the one true faith.
As Christians, we are called to love as Christ loves. Love by saying you're sorry, because you have things to be sorry for. Love by forgiving, because you need forgiving too. Love by choosing the same sinful person everyday until death, because Christ chooses you and your sinful self every day.
So yes, as unromantic as it sounds, loving one person for the rest of your life is a choice. But what a beautiful, forgiving, exciting, comfort it is to know that by choosing your spouse every day, you are loving them as Christ loves you. It's hard to do. We disappoint and fail to meet expectations and don't say sorry as much as we should... but knowing that someone chooses to love me despite all that, makes it so worth it to choose love every.single.day.
Also, this post was inspired by this song... which I cannot stop listening to. Enjoy!