Motherhood Joy Johnson Motherhood Joy Johnson

The Story of Hondo

If you're new here, Hondo is the name of our Bernese Mountain Dog. He is a feisty one-year-old boy who brings constant joy (and lovable...

If you're new here, Hondo is the name of our Bernese Mountain Dog. He is a feisty one-year-old boy who brings constant joy (and lovable annoyance) to our lives. He was truly our dream dog, but we never thought we'd have him so soon in our life! This is the story of why we have Hondo now, and what he means to us. After the last two years, I feel like I have a lot to come clean about, and this is one of those things. Hondo has never been "just a dog" to us or "just the next step" for us. He has great meaning to our lives and he is loved more than words can say. Let me tell you his story...

Four years ago, Tom and I were newly married and happily living in the Milwaukee area. We'd go on lots of dates and fill our weekends with activities and adventures. One weekend, we happened upon the Air and Water Show on the shore of Lake Michigan in the downtown area. While we walked, I was (of course) pointing out any and all dogs because... well, you guys, they're dogs and I love them. If you know me, you know how annoying I am about my love for animals.

Anyways, there was one dog in particular that stopped us both in our tracks. Well, maybe just Tom because I marched over to it without missing a beat. I'm like a moth to the flame - haha! This dog was beautiful. Unlike any dog I'd ever seen in my life! It was huge and its features and build were incredibly striking. It was being "handled" by a grown man who was being pulled by the dog's massive weight and curious nature as it darted among people and smells. I approached the man, open-jawed, and asked what kind of dog this beautiful creature was and he replied, "A Bernese Mountain Dog" before being whisked away again.

From that day on, we knew we needed to know more about these dogs. We spent the next year reading everything about them and educating ourselves on owning one of these bears. The greatest con for me was the thought of their shedding, but I knew someday I'd be ready to tackle it for the sake of their gentle-giant nature and sweet temperaments. I am far too much of a dog-person to let shedding keep me from snuggles, but not everyone is this way.

At this time, however, we were still living in apartments, moving each year to a new place. So we vowed to get our Berner after a couple of children so they would be able to remember him (Berners have a heartbreaking seven year life expectancy).

However, as you may have read in my last post, our plan for having children did not go as we expected.

After a year of disappointment and heartbreak, and aching for a child of our own to love and hold, we started looking for Hondo. Well, first I got desperate and nearly came home with a guinea pig one day, but finally, Tom too decided it might be good for our hurting hearts to get our Berner.

For weeks I contacted all the most reputable breeders I could find in our radius. No puppies, failed breeding, etc... until one breeder responded that she had a litter due later in the week! After a few days of hoping, everything aligned and our contract was signed. We'd be getting the boy we always hoped for! (Shout out to our wonderful breeder, Trisha - now you'll REALLY know what Hondo means to us!)

Hondo is our infertility puppy.

He fell into our lap at the exact right time and we have been so blessed to call him ours. He is loved immensely, and filled a big part of the aching in our chests. He is the perfect companion and keeps me company all day long. He is always a step behind me, with his floofy tail going at full speed. I know he's "just a dog" to anyone else, but to us, he is a truly a gift. Think whatever you'd like, but I know God meant for this sweet boy to help carry us through the last year. He's brought unending laughter and hope to our every day life, and I am forever grateful for the happiness he brought to our home during such a sad time. His presence helped lift the fog of infertility.

At 92lbs, he doesn't seem so much like a baby anymore, but I'll never forget the joy we felt bringing that 12lb ball of fluff home with us. It was a tiny fulfillment of the desire to love another little being within the walls of the home we hoped would be filled with itty-bitty human feet. Instead, we had big, furry puppy paws that pattered around. It wasn't a baby, and we knew that of course, but my goodness did he (and continues to) bring us such great love and wonder at watching him grow.

Maybe this post seems silly to you, but to me, it was time to tell you the truth. Hondo is our bear-sized, heart-healing, boy. He has quite literally soaked up my tears after the announcements of more and more pregnancies that were not us. He got me out of the house on days when I felt like curling up and never leaving the safety of my bed. His silly antics, and never ending pursuit of our happiness, has brought such light to our home on even the crummiest of days. He'll never be "just a dog" to me, because he'll always be the little love that helped mend my broken heart.

And that is the story of Hondo. Our infertility therapy puppy, and love of our life. 

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A Letter To The Infertility Community

First, I want to say, this is a topic that is so near to my heart. Having been through this heart-wrenching trial, I have gained a perspective...

First, I want to say, this is a topic that is so near to my heart. Having been through this heart-wrenching trial, I have gained a perspective that many others have not. I am choosing to share this part of our life soon, but want to first speak with my friends I know - or perhaps I don't realize - are going through this right now. If this is a topic you think you know about, but have not experienced for yourself, I encourage you not to turn a blind eye, because I cannot tell you the shock I first experienced when I realized how many beautiful couples this affects. You know someone who is infertile. You may not ACTUALLY know they are infertile, but they are there, and they are hurting so deeply. God gave us peace in our struggle, and I hope my letter offers validation, hope, and love for those still in the midst.

Also, I realize this is not perhaps the most joyous way to announce my pregnancy on my blog (I’ve announced it on social media thus far), but truly, it is the way I feel most compelled to. Because I will never forget - and will perhaps revisit again - the raw emotion and foggy pain that infertility washed over us. I feel a great need to honor the beautiful, strong people I know who are facing this.

A Letter To My Infertility Community,

We’ve been trying to start our family for two years. It’s been a road filled with heartbreak, waiting (oh the pain in waiting), jealousy, devastation, hope and then hopelessness, sadness, and unmitigated aching.

Now, we are miraculously expecting. We are overjoyed and shocked, as any person who has struggled through infertility can imagine. For days, it was just plain disbelief. It happened to us! It’s the hope I know you cling to, that maybe it’ll happen to you too… by some miracle.

Yet you’re still there. Reading this. Waiting. Hoping. Feeling jealous, angry, and yet happy for us in some small way that we made it out of our suffering.

I want you to know, I think of you every day. The pain of infertility is fresh in my mind. Which is why I’m writing to you today. It’s why I’m writing this before I write a pregnancy announcement on my blog and plaster yet another thing where your hurting heart may see.

I see you. I validate you. And I know that you see our “two years" and perhaps scoff at our minuscule waiting period in comparison to yours or soooo many others. But try to remember. Remember how a few months in the very beginning felt like an eternity when you had no reason to think you’d struggle to conceive. How finding out your diagnosis (or lack thereof) was devastating whether it came at one year or five years into the journey. Remember that in no time at all, others began to “lap” you in their family planning endeavors and it hurt regardless of when it was in your struggle.

Know that even though we’re on the other side, I’ll always have one foot in the door of the infertility community. Cheering on those women who just want to be mommas. Who have miscarried over and over, and somehow find the strength to try again. To spend another fortune for just one more glimmer of a chance. Know that the silent sting of infertility and assumptive remarks of others have been burned into my heart, and I will promise to hold tight to the distinct perspective that comes with infertility. I will remember to check my sensitivity and always offer my ear and understanding to those going through this heart-wrenching battle so they never feel alone. Because oh how we know how lonely the infertility road can feel. 

I need you to know that I pray for you. I’ve seen your moments of hope, drop to devastation in a matter of days, and it has broken me apart. Not as much as it has surely broken you, but it has nonetheless. I have cried with you, even if only on the other side of a screen. Infertility is torturous and unfair and dark. And yet, just knowing there is a listening ear when you’ve had to muddle through a day filled with pregnancy announcements and baby showers, is enough to refill your heart and remind you that someone understands. They know you’ll probably cry yourself to sleep (again) and begrudgingly drink a lot of wine, even though you’d give anything to not be allowed to consume it if it meant you’d have a baby soon in your arms.

I am a person of faith. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and whether you do or not, He is my comfort and offers me the only true peace that cannot be found even in the arms of my husband. I pray that you find this peace as well. Whether in heartbreak or in joy, that you know there is peace that surpasses all understanding. That comes only from Christ and He is who I credit this miracle to.

Finally, thank you. Thank you for comfort, your prayers, your words of encouragement and understanding, your empathy while I vented, and for your unselfish joy when I shared our shocking news all those weeks ago. You were there that day, and knew before anyone else, and I’m so glad for it. You know the fear that comes with pregnancy after infertility - or can at least understand it - and yet, you were the first ones to say to me “You’re pregnant, girl, don’t doubt it - just enjoy!” Thank you for your loving “welcome” (does anyone really want to be welcomed to this?! haha) to the never-easy path of infertility. Your stories, vulnerability, and strength are beyond anything I’ve seen among humanity, and have given me a perspective I never thought I’d face, and yet in a way, I’m grateful to have learned compassion for those who face it.

I admire you all more than words can say, and I am privileged to know your journeys and continue to lift you up as you go, the way you did for me. I love you and I am here. Because infertility doesn’t just affect you and leave you once you have a baby. It’s with you always in some way or another, so I won’t be a stranger. In fact, we'll likely face it again.

Lastly, if you are reading this while experiencing infertility, and have no support or anyone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to message me. You are not at all alone (seriously, go to a fertility clinic waiting room and you’ll see!) and I want our story to be one of hope and compassion and respite for aching hearts. I am here. Infertility is lonely, but you don’t have to be alone. (Contact Me)

With all my love,
Joy

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Gifts For A New Mom

Yep, you read that right.

For the mom.

Sorry baby, there were probably a bunch of showers for your sake. This post is for the mamas!

Well, more specifically, for the mama's friends, sisters, husband... or whoever else might have a close enough relationship with her to know her taste and estimate her needs.

Recently, my best friend from college gave birth to their first child. I felt such an overwhelming sense of pride and excitement for my friend, that during the time she was in labor and for days afterward, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. This girl who I lived with, talked with late at night, went on countless dinner dates with, worked with, talked about relationships with, spent nights on the town with, and stood up in each other's weddings, was suddenly a mom. When I see the photos of her beautiful baby, I can't help but tear up and beam with joy. This little baby made my best friend a mom. And then my next thoughts went like this...

Whoa. She's a mom! She's never been a mom before! Wait a minute... what do you need when you're a mom? Do you have time to shower? Or eat? Or feel pretty? Do you need cute but comfy clothes and big underwear? I have no idea. But she better be taken care of.
*Immediately went shopping*

While I was shopping, I had no idea what I was looking for (because.. you know... I'm not a mom) so I legitimately asked moms who were in the store what my friend would like. It was the cutest thing - they had so much to say! One of them even shopped along side me and pointed out items.
As soon as I left the store with my loot, I shipped it off at the nearest post office. 

I'm so glad that she loved my care package and that she felt cared for and not forgotten. That was my biggest concern: that mama wasn't forgotten.

Now that I've done this once, I want to do it again. I want to make sure my mama friends are loved, cared for, and remembered. I'm just gonna guess that becoming a mom is a pretty big transition, so what better way to help them transition than give them some items for them. Remind them that even though they have this little person that's changed their world for the better, that they shouldn't cross the road into motherhood and forget about their own, individual needs. Besides, how can they care for their sweet babe when they're a mess?

After reaching out to some other moms in my blogging network, here are some ideas of how to care for the new mamas in your life. Pass it on if you think it will help others! :)

Comfortable nightgown:
One that is easy to wear while breastfeeding, too. My own mom recommended this because she was given one of these and it made her feel prettier and slightly less frumpy.

Candle:
With the smell of poop, diaper cream, and spit-up lingering around, it's nice to have a candle going to bring a clean/nice smell to your home. A little luxury!

Luxury shampoo and conditioner:
If mama can even squeeze a shower into her day, having something extra special to use will feel pampering.

Big water bottle with a straw:
Many times they'll only have one hand to eat or drink, so a water bottle that holds a lot (so they don't have to refill all the time) with a straw will be extra helpful. From what I understand, breastfeeding makes women super thirsty and hungry! Heck, even if she's not breastfeeding, this will make life so much easier.

High waisted yoga pants:
A mom in the store recommended this one. That high band just holds things in and offers more comfort. She also said it became her uniform and she totally embraced it!

Loose, comfy sweatshirt:
More-so if baby was born in the winter. One that is easy to breastfeed with or throw on with their new yoga pants and take a trip to the store.

One-handed snacks:
Going along with the water bottle, those mamas get the munchies and having healthy, fast, one-handed snacks is a life-saver. Maybe something they can pour into a bowl and leave next to their feeding chair all day would be nice. Do you live nearby? Bring her some cleaned fruit, shelled nuts, granola, chopped veggies, cheese sticks/cubes, etc...

Slippers:
Most people probably already own slippers, but if you're like me, you keep the same raggedy ones for years. Get them some new ones! Also nice if they have a rubber bottom and can run outside to check the mail in.

Not pictured

  • Favorite candy
  • Gifts cards to movie streaming services or Redbox (for long feedings!)
  • Amazon gift card. Because they have everything.
  • Maid service gift certificate. Let them schedule it themselves so it's convenient for them. Merry Maids is nationwide, I believe. I worked as a Merry Maid for half a summer, and though it was seriously the worst job of my life, they're incredibly thorough. Like, they clean your floors by hand - no joke.
  • Coffee for that sleepy mama! Bring her some for her coffee maker... and maybe a fresh cup straight from Starbucks. 
  • Spa day
  • Postpartum belly band 
  • Homemade freezer meals
  • Disposable plates and cutlery
  • Cute granny-panties!
  • Nice hand lotion
  • Facial cleansing cloths
  • Dry shampoo
  • Body lotion with collagen and vitamin E
  • Mini toothbrushes to keep in their purse (ones with toothpaste built-in)
  • Bottled water (keep a few bottles in every room and in a purse)
  • A baby sling
  • Devotional book
  • Set up a mealtrain
  • If you're local, offer to pop over and do chores or take care of baby while she sleeps
  • Take her out for coffee or lunch and let her talk about anything she wants - whether it's baby related or not.
  • Coupons for free babysitting!
  • Possibly: thick underwear pads and cooling packs for 'down there' - give her a variety of pads/liners. Tuck pads.
  • Essential oils (if she's into them)
  • Books by a good author

If she's breastfeeding

Are you positive she's breastfeeding? Is she able to breastfeed? Make sure you know the answer to that question before you buy her a ton of things geared towards that. If you don't know the answer and would rather not ask, try the suggestions above!

  • Stool softener, prunes, lube, and good lip balm. Your body liquids can dry up, so these things help supplement that loss.
  • Nursing tank tops
  • Nursing pads (gel ones too)
  • Coconut oil for sore/cracked nipples
  • Nursing bras - also ones for sleeping
  • Cooling pads

Check out this site for some nice breastfeeding products.

For the dads

Don't forget this sweet guy! If you think moms are forgotten, these guys are invisible! Yes, yes, it is mostly about mom and baby, but this is a major life adjustment for him too. He could use some love.

  • Gift cards for food
  • Beer (if he's into that)
  • His own copy of an informational baby book
  • Funny baby books about poop, toots, burps for him to read to the baby soon ;) (I loved this idea - so funny!)

Special thanks to the super awesome, sweet ladies from The Peony Project who offered their knowledgable advice on this list - you mamas are wonderful!

What else would you add? I loved this conversation in The Peony Project group and I thought it was so helpful for people like myself who has no idea what it's like to have a baby. Even some soon-to-be moms were following the conversation and getting awesome ideas! Yay for community! Let me know what else :)

Since I am always transparent with my readers, occasionally, affiliate links are also used in my posts which means I may receive a commission from sales generated by them. Some of the above are Amazon affiliate links. However this comes at no extra cost to you and I would never condone a product I didn't personally believe to be of good quality or price. Extra thanks to you for purchasing through one of these links as it helps bloggers immensely!

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