What's The Deal with the DockATot?
If you've had to make a baby registry in the last couple years, there's no way you could miss the DockATot. It's everywhere you look and seems to…
I received the DockATot compliments of the company
If you've had to make a baby registry in the last couple years, there's no way you could miss the DockATot. It's everywhere you look and seems to be the new most coveted baby product. Why, though? It doesn't seem like anything super groundbreaking, does it? Well, I honestly had some of the same thoughts. It's got to be overrated, right? Especially for the price...
Nope.
Guys, this thing is amazing.
(If you know me, you also know I never give my stamp of approval on this blog unless I wholeheartedly mean it. So this is my honest review of the DockATot).
When you're looking for items to add to your registry, of course you need to find products that give you the ability to safely put your little one down. Whether it's for them to take a nap, for you to rest your arms, or just a place they can be alert and you don't need to worry about them rolling off a bed or couch. Even a place for some supervised tummy time. The DockATot hits all the marks. It is the primary place of sleep for our little guy. He loves it! We have another very popular product for setting baby down, and he'll choose the DockATot over that thing every time (and when I say "choose" I mean, he'll settle there far easier than the other product).
It comes in two sizes - The Deluxe (0-8 months) and Grand (9-36 months). It was designed in Sweden and is handmade in Europe. It has been tested for breathability and is OEKO-TEX certified. It can be used as a multi-functional lounger, co-sleeper, and playtime lounger.
The other big thing for me, when creating our registry, was finding products that weren't ugly as sin. If you read my minimalist modern registry post, you'll know that I tried to find the least "baby-ish" baby items I could find. I wanted products that were very useful and functional, but would fit into my home's aesthetic. This was honestly really hard (blah - so many ugly baby things!) but I think it ended up being a success in the end. The DockATot obviously fits into that requirement as well. However, for those who like patterns, it does have lots of options for covers.
When do we use it and how?
Day and night. I lay him down for naps in it and place it either on the couch in the living room, or on our bed. This allows me to get work done, and if I choose to nap when he's napping, I know I won't roll over onto him. We also use it at bedtime and it's where he sleeps. In the mornings, he wakes up very alert and happy, and we let him kick and flail in there while we talk to him and interact for a while. For tummy time, we gently rest his arms and head on the side, and let his body curl up in the rest of the DockATot while he practices holding that head up.
Would I recommend the DockATot?
Yes. 100%. Even my mom, who has her old school ways and tried-and-true mindset on the old versus new products, loved it. When she and my dad were here in the first couple of weeks, she used it constantly and talked about how useful it was. I thought that had some meaning!
I suppose it would depend on what you'd use it for, though. It's our go-to spot for setting him down, but if your baby prefers a bouncy seat or swing, perhaps those would be better for your particular child. We just happen to use it for so many functions that I would say it is worth its weight in gold :)
So that's the "deal" with the DockATot you keep hearing about. It's minimal, functional, and my four week old baby loves it (and clearly so do lots of other babies, considering how popular it has become!). There you have it. My honest review!
Comment below if you have any questions for me regarding the DockATot, or if you also have one and love it too!
Third Trimester Recap
Phew! It feels like AGES since I wrote my second trimester recap! Here we are though, in the final stretch. I'm writing this at 38 weeks purely…
Phew! It feels like AGES since I wrote my second trimester recap! Here we are though, in the final stretch. I'm writing this at 38 weeks purely because I have no clue what'll happen in the next few weeks... but really, if this guy wants to come early, that is FINE with momma! This trimester was a doozy. Let me expand...
Symptoms
Lightening crotch - He has been head down for a really long time, if not the entire trimester, so the pressure he puts on my nerves down there have been super noticeable.
Body aches and changes - yeah, I'm uncomfy. Backaches, puffy feet and sometimes hands, sitting just feels like you're squishing everything, standing makes your legs tired and back hurt, so I've actually found a lot of relief on those stupid exercise balls! I use it as a chair in the house and enjoy bouncing on it - haha! Our birthing class had us try them out, and I'm always such a skeptic about stuff like that, but I legitimately found it helpful, so we ordered one.
Boobs - sometimes I get a stinging feeling which is uncomfortable. Still leaking a bit.
Weird appetite - one minute I'm starving, the next I'm stuffed. I've been a little nauseous, too.
Tired - Some days feel like the first trimester all over again and I could just konk out for hours.
Bad sleep - I sleep like garbage now. Moving on....
Hemorrhoids - yep, no end in sight.
Peeing - only about a thousand times per day and night!
Clear skin - I love my skin right now. It's so low maintenance!
Braxton Hicks - such a weird feeling, and have had times when they're a little uncomfortable, but I don't mind them.
Sciatic nerve pain - oh boy is that a doozy. Pain from your lower back, through your bottom, and down your leg. No thanks!
Leg cramps - basically just Charlie Horse cramps sometimes at night. I've only had maybe three, but they always feel terrible!
Cravings
Honestly can't say I've had any this trimester.
30 weeks
Third Trimester Journal
I didn't keep track week by week this trimester (oops!), so I'll give you a thorough overview.
Weight gain has honestly been slow and steady. I've gained probably around 25lbs at this point? But to be honest, I don't really care about that and haven't paid much attention. To me, as long as it stayed within healthy parameters and didn't get out of hand, I'd be fine with whatever it ended up coming to. I haven't gained anything astronomical, so I seriously don't even care.
34 weeks
At our 20 week scan, they noticed one of his kidneys had a tiny bit of dilation to it, so they scheduled another scan around 34 weeks to see if it resolved itself or got worse. Well, it doubled, unfortunately, so I got sent to a high risk clinic so we could have them look at it to be safe. We've now had two appointments (and ultrasounds) there, and over two weeks, it went down a little bit. Thankfully, whatever it may be isn't anything we need to worry about and it's apparently very common in boys (10x more common, according to the doc), so since no one else is concerned, neither are we. They'll have it checked out once he arrives, but he's just a healthy little dude otherwise, so it's nothing urgent, and certainly not life threatening, so I'm not worried at all. He probably just needs to pee and hasn't quite figured that out yet ;) Oh and we got to see his hair in those ultrasounds, which is crazy!
35.5 weeks
At around 36 weeks, I got a sinus infection and had to be on amoxicillin to get that under wraps. I'm still completely stuffed up and can't smell or taste a thing, but between pregnancy puffing up my blood flow, and the terrible allergies, this is basically just my life now. I also found out at 36 weeks that I'm 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, and sadly it didn't go any further by the following week.
At the end of 37 weeks, baby measured 7lbs 3oz on an ultrasound. We might have a big guy!
During my 38 week appointment, my blood pressure had gone up a little from my norm, so my doctor told me to watch for more symptoms of preeclampsia (which is not real fun to hear!) and to call if I notice anything different.
Baby movement is still fun and consistent, but you can definitely tell he's running out of room! Tom and I love seeing my belly morph around when he's got the squirms.
We also took breastfeeding and birthing classes which were informative and also kinda funny (to us). Getting the hospital tour was fun, and getting a few ideas for pain management was useful. We finished some house projects, enjoyed a few dates, celebrated our 5th anniversary, I got my hair done, and packed a hospital bag.
37 weeks
I guess to sum up this trimester, I'd say it was the most apparent in terms of physical changes and the most difficult in terms of discomfort. For example, at this point, sitting in the car (let alone driving) is extremely uncomfy and I basically avoid it as much as I can. Everything feels like such a chore -- getting up from the couch or floor, bending down to pick up something I dropped, taking off/putting on pants or shoes, and getting out of bed a million times a night to pee. Even trying to do the dishes is proving difficult as my belly keeps me and my short arms farther and farther away from the faucet! Don't get me wrong, Tom and I have found a LOT of humor in my lessened capabilities, but it's definitely starting to get old.
It's also probably been the most nerve-wracking trimester. I'm usually a big worrier about medical things, but for some reason, pregnancy hasn't caused me much anxiety... until these last couple weeks. I'm stressed, Tom has an endoscopy, we have some loose ends to get in place before arrival, I'm really wary of a decrease or increase in movement or possible contractions, and I'm just generally nervous/excited. I've really hit the "done point" so I think it's time we get this guy out of my belly.
All that to say... we cannot wait to meet our little boy, and it's hard to believe it'll be so SOON! Keep your eyes peeled for the announcement!
I should also mention, that once he's here, you can expect far and in-between posts for a while as we figure out life with our new bundle, so I appreciate your patience, love, and understanding :) I'll be back to the blog, but I'm not going to pressure myself to jump back in. We have waited so long for this baby, and I know we will just want to soak him in. I'm sure you can all understand that. Just know I love you all and will SO look forward to being back when I'm ready!
Our Minimalist-Modern Baby Registry
If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm not big on "stuff." Search for "minimalist" on my blog and lots of posts will come up...
If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm not big on "stuff." Search for "minimalist" on my blog and lots of posts will come up. This is not to say that our home is a vast quarry of echoey rooms and empty closets - not at all - but gifts and shopping are just not the way to my heart (food is, though).
When it came time to organize a registry of items for our upcoming baby, I was excited....
..until I saw how many baby things there ARE in the world!
Talk about overwhelming! So, for months I spent tons of time diligently reading reviews and narrowing down our list to lots of basics and very little fluff. The way we saw it, should our baby need more, we can get it after he's here. They don't need much, so as I am in all areas of our home, I kept it minimal.
Below, I've created a handy infographic that you can Pin, but each number correlates below for further explanation. Of course, this does exclude a few things like diapers and wipes and bottles (which are pretty par-for-the-course), but these are all items I am starting with.
1. Crib: Ours is the SUNDVIK from IKEA and I love the enclosed ends and minimal, simple look. Plus, that price is pretty great. We also purchased a mattress from IKEA and went with their mid-priced one.
2. Glider-Swivel-Recliner: I really wanted something particularly comfortable, so we splurged on this a bit. It's the Baby Relax Rylan and honestly, it's my favorite piece of furniture in the house right now. It's very roomy, and is even comfy enough that I could see myself falling asleep in it with a baby in my arms.
3. Dresser: We already had this from IKEA (that you definitely need to anchor to the wall for safety) and it's minimal, spacious, and doubles as a changing table AND side table next to the glider.
4. Changing pad: Pretty straightforward - just a good basic for those littles. We also got this Burts Bees cover.
5. Nursery blanket: Of course, baby needs blankets, but I loved the idea of having one for myself and baby to snuggle under that is meant just for the nursery. This one is from Lorena Canals. It's handmade and has these super cute pom-tassels on each corner. Care is easy as it's machine washable, but it just feels like such a little luxury to have in the nursery. Since it's handmade, the dye may differ slightly from one to the next, but I think that's such an awesome upside to own something truly unique! Lorena Canals also carries amazing, washable rugs (which is seriously such an amazing feature). I received this beautiful blanket courtesy of Lorena Canals.
6. Metal step trash: This one is small and out of the way. Several people suggested a small one because you'll want to empty it often anyways, but the stainless steel will help trap the smell between changes.
7. Nest cam: Personally, I've heard enough creepy stories about baby monitors being hacked, that we opted for something we felt was more secure. This Nest cam should be great!
8. Sleepers: I am not super into complicated outfits for tiny babies. They just seem coziest and easiest to change when they're in a simple little sleeper. We have a week's worth in Newborn and perhaps just a couple more than that for 0-3.
9. Onesies: Probably the most basic of all baby necessities. Onesies can be worn alone, under sleepers, with little pants, etc... and this pack is a cute neutral choice.
10. Fridababy NoseFrida: This nose aspirator practically has a cult following! I had a lot of people suggest this to me, and figured it could be my one peer-pressure-induced purchase.
11. Basic newborn kit: Another good basic that includes nail clippers, a brush, little nail files, and more.
12. Bath towel: Gotta wrap that baby up and keep them cozy after a bath :)
13. Washcloths: A few soft, gentle washcloths for bath time, of course.
14. Dock-A-Tot: There are a lot of options out there for multi-functional baby loungers, but I just kept coming back to the Dock-A-Tot. I love that it's been tested for breathability, is all-natural 100% cotton, handmade in Europe, and comes in two sizes (Deluxe or Grand). You can use it for supervised tummy-time, changing diapers, playing, resting, lounging, etc... This page on their website really explains the uses and functionality of it. I'm so excited to have a safe, cozy spot to put my baby boy! It's fun to picture him resting in it next to me on the couch or soaking in some cozy mornings in bed. I'll be back once he's here with a review for you. I received a Dock-A-Tot courtesy of their company.
15. Rock N' Play: This is something every parent I know seems to swear by. It'll be nice to have a place off the floor to put our little bub. Especially when I picture our big bear dog, and his serious lack of personal space - haha! This should keep baby comfy and safe from Hondo's overly loving snuggles.
16. Baby gym: These always offer a nice spot for stimulation and play, and I particularly liked this simple, minimal one from IKEA.
17. Swaddle blankets: I could hoard swaddles and muslins all the day long! I'm a sweatshirt person, and for some reason, baby blankets are my baby equivalent to sweatshirts.
18. Toys and Books: Honestly, we have not gone overboard at all. We bought the two pictured, and only have a couple more. Kids get so many toys, and I think this is going to be an area I'll be pretty picky as a parent and aspiring minimalist. "Babies don't need much" is my mantra!
19. Carseat cover: This is one of those 4-in-1 covers. It can be used as a scarf, nursing cover, carseat cover, and cart cover. I love how stretchy and breathable it is. Not sure how many of the four functions I'll actually use it for, but I love the options and material!
20. Backpack diaper bag: When it comes to purses, I have always been a cross-body kinda girl. I hate totes that drape over my arm or I have to balance on my shoulder, so I've always known that a stylish backpack would be the choice for me. This one is structured and has SUCH awesome places for storage and organization. I can't wait to use it!
21. Travel system: Carseats are obviously a necessity, but I also liked that we found one that came with a nice stroller. Of course, there are a million options based on price, if it can convert to a two-child stroller to last through your next baby, etc... but ultimately the decision is up to you. We decided on a middle-of-the-road system in terms of price and quality, and I'm really excited to use it.
There you have it - our minimalist-modern baby registry! Of course, as I mentioned, there are other basics that I excluded (thermometer, diapers, wipes, socks, etc...) but beyond the very, very basics, this is really it for us! We didn't go overly boyish or babyish and kept it all pretty modern and neutral. Once you figure out an aesthetic and "niche" (if you will) of baby items that suit you, they become easier to find. I'll have a review on the Dock-A-Tot once our little guy has arrived, but I think we are going to love it! The material is so much softer in person than I expected, and it just feels so cozy for baby!
Body Image & Pregnancy
On a walk the other night, I was wearing one of Tom's sweaters and asked if I looked pregnant (because even with my belly it sort of swallowed...
Some clothing items in this post are courtesy of Pinkblush
On a walk the other night, I was wearing one of Tom's sweaters and asked if I looked pregnant (because even with my belly it sort of swallowed me up), and before he could answer, I started laughing and said,
"I wonder when I'll quit wondering if I look pregnant and accept that I do... all of the time" and we both just laughed.
You see, before getting pregnant, or even trying (not knowing we would struggle to conceive), the words of so many women echoed in my mind.
Words of sadness and grief for the loss of their pre-pregnant bodies. How they cursed the stretch marks that appeared. How unattractive they felt. How their (in my opinion) adorable bumps just made them feel like a beached whale. How they felt their husbands wouldn't desire them. And on and on.
I would often listen and sympathize, trying to understand, yet never truly grasping their feelings - as one often can't when they've not "been there" themselves. I'm sure for so many women, it's a process of letting go of the body you've come to know and love and even be able to anticipate its changes. Pregnancy sure throws it all for a loop, and it can come as a shock to see your body change by no doing of your own.
However, for the not-yet-mommas who are worried about this:
Pregnancy is beautiful.
It's a privilege.
It shows the incredible capability your body has.
It adds to your beauty - it does NOT take away.
I must admit, pregnancy has not caused me to mourn my body - not for a second. Mourning your pre-pregnant body isn't something we will all face, because we all come from different places and perspectives and there is no shame on either end. We all get to feel how we feel.
But you see, I have had stretch marks since puberty. During a time when I believe insecurities are at their height. Those marks are still there, but they've faded. I've bared them at the beach, in front of boys I liked, and friends who didn't have them. I've simply become accustomed to them, and think nothing of their presence anymore. To be honest, when pregnant friends would speak of the disgust they felt over their stretch marks, it used to hurt me. I've had them since I was 15... does everyone else really find them so revolting?!
"People get them ALL the time!" I'd think. "Who cares! Of course you're getting them - you're growing a human being! I wonder what you think of mine..." and a feeling of judgement would sweep over me. As if I wasn't pristine and perfect and my marks should be something to cover and be ashamed of.
I've since come to terms with their perspective versus mine, and recognized that their sadness is just as valid as my content on the subject.
Then entered yet another perspective.
Infertility.
After two years of trying to conceive, seeing this body of mine change, and stretch, and grow, has been nothing short of a privilege. I cannot find it in me to curse the heartburn or hemorrhoids or crowded lungs or bulging belly. When my old clothes stopped fitting, I met it with relief and joy. For so long I hoped and prayed to be able to carry this life, and finally my body allowed me to do so. Each change and symptom is a clear reminder that my body is doing exactly what it should to accommodate this baby. There is no mourning from me - only joy.
I'm writing this simply to share my own, personal identity with pregnancy and my body image. It may be different from yours, and that's okay.
Today, I'm simply celebrating this growth, and the love and admiration I have for this body. I'm celebrating the spider veins, and hips, and moments when my husband comes up behind me to hold my belly, kiss me on the neck, and say, "You are more beautiful than ever. I've waited so long to see you pregnant and I'm so happy to see you grow. I can't wait for you to get bigger!" Goodness! Swoon! To hear him say that is music to my ears. I've never felt so beautiful in my life, and he just reinforces my thoughts.
I know it can be hard for some women - and I validate that too.
But for me?
I'm happy.
Plus, not having to suck it in for nine whole months is pretty awesome - haha - so I'm reveling in every part of this season. Okay, even if sometimes I do sound like I ran a marathon after going up a flight of stairs #beachedwhale #owningit
AND a huge thank you to Pinkblush for making pregnancy even more enjoyable and helping all sorts of women feel beautiful in their pregnant skin. Clothes that flatter those new curves make a world of difference, and I love that I have a platform to share such a great brand with you all ♡ Here is that adorable floral dress I'm rocking in these photos (just a different color).
And keep scrolling for a Hondo photobomb!
Our Infertility Story
This post has always made me nervous to write. Yet, I feel like infertility is STILL so unspoken, misunderstood, and lonely and I have a great...
This post has always made me nervous to write. Yet, I feel like infertility is STILL so unspoken, misunderstood, and lonely and I have a great desire to open up about it and offer hope. I want this post to give a glimpse into what it looks like. Hang tight, this will be a long one. Whether you've experienced infertility, haven't experienced it, or maybe will, this simply covers our personal experience. I hope it opens your eyes to the many factors that can affect this trial and will break down a few barriers in relation to people's perception of it.
Year one:
Everything started the way it does for any hopeful couple ready to grow their family. We were excited, nervous, and hopeful. None of my closest friends or family had an issue conceiving, so naturally, it didn't really cross our minds. It was easy for seemingly everyone else, why wouldn't that be the case for us?
The first month came and went.
"Oh well," we thought, "we must have timed something wrong."
Then the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
And the next month.
Our trash was filled with negative pregnancy tests that seemed to glare at me from their place at the top of the bin. Sprinkled in all those previous weeks were fleeting hopes of pregnancy symptoms. Are my boobs extra sensitive? Maybe this is implantation bleeding? Does that cramp feel different from period cramping?! Am I peeing more? Do I feel pregnant? Am I late? I think I'm late! And every month, went from hopeful two week waits, to heartache in the deepest sense.
We were frustrated at this point. Disappointed. Sad. Friends were moving on to their second pregnancies. Yet here we were. Left behind. Wondering what so wrong with us. Nothing about cycles and so on seemed that askew, but I began to question it. I was disappointed in my body. Why wasn't it doing the most natural thing on earth? I would look at my sweet husband and feel such sadness that I couldn't make him a dad. Gosh, he'd be such a great dad. I'd see him hold our friend's baby and feel my heart sink in my chest for what "should be."
I had an annual check-up with my doctor, and mentioned my concerns. She was a great physician and sent me off for an "infertility work-up" straight away.
I got poked and prodded every other week for two months, and spent a pretty penny on "ovulation predictor kits" to see if it would help us. It didn't. I remember even having to get to a lab while on a trip to have a cycle-time-sensitive blood draw. My arm, it seemed, was forever bruised, and each time I looked down, was reminded that this may be the easiest part of potentially years of pain and heartache. It was only the beginning, and just that thought alone was enough to bring on unbearable hurt.
My tests all came back clear. Everything was working as it should. This was good news, right? Well yes, but it still offered no answer for why we weren't conceiving. Sometimes, no diagnosis can feel worse than actually having one. Our questions had not been answered.
So Tom was tested. We never gave his test much thought, because don't we all just jump to infertility being a "woman's problem?"
When my doctor called me with his results, my heart broke. BROKE. Broke for him, for us, for our hopes, and for God's plan for our life.
She didn't usually call me, but she was home sick and when she got his results knew I would want to know right away. She gave it to me straight, explained each portion of the analysis, and tried to break it to me as gently and lovingly as possible. I was choking on my words and trying to get off the phone before I broke down, but before I rushed off, she said, "Now Joy, this isn't good news, I know that and so do you. But remember that it's not impossible. It doesn't mean it will never happen, it's just going to be a lot harder, and you'll probably need some help to get there. Do not give up hope." I mumbled a half-hearted, thank you and hung up just as my tears poured through the flood gates.
I messaged Tom and told him his results didn't look good. He was at work, so he tried to brush it off until we could talk later. I had a meeting that night, and I remember feeling so glazed over, wishing I wasn't there. I got home late, hugged Tom, and we just looked at each other. I read him the results and we cried. We cried for such a long time and tried to just pick ourselves up each day and muddle through. We comforted one another, prayed, and simply existed for a while, but we never let it come between us. We were very conscientious about what it could do to a marriage, and chose every day to grow closer instead of farther apart. This was no one's "fault" but we had to move forward and accept a different reality from the one we pictured.
Year two:
My doctor had given us a referral to a fertility clinic. We had to wait three months just to get in to our first appointment. THREE MONTHS. Three months is the length of an entire trimester of pregnancy. It was so hard to just twiddle our thumbs while we waited for a few minutes to discuss options and next steps with a stranger. All the while just wishing we'd somehow miraculously conceive before getting in. All the while seeing our friends' babies take first steps and other couples announce their impending arrivals. It felt like daggers to our hurting hearts. Not by any fault of theirs, but it's just a side-affect of infertility I suppose.
We sat down across a sweet younger doctor and when she asked me a simple question, I suddenly lost it.
"Let it out honey," she said. "You are not the first to sit in that chair and cry, and you won't be the last. Whenever you're ready, we can talk."
So I cried and blubbered out answers to medical history questions and how much coffee I drank each day.
She told us that to be positive there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, too, she wanted to have a few more tests done before we focused our time on Tom.
I had more bloodwork done. Then a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test in which a catheter is inserted into your cervix and they inject dye through your uterus and fallopian tubes while under a live x-ray machine. It was about as comfortable as it sounds, but gave immediate results (which were all clear). It shows you if your tubes are blocked. The very next day, I had a SHG (Sonohysterogram). Same thing, only this time it was saline solution injected into my uterus to separate the walls and check for polyps or cysts with an ultrasound. This was horrid, but again, came back all clear.
So we went ahead and scheduled Tom's tests. Another month-long wait to get in. This was with the fertility clinic's urologist. I won't go into detail on Tom's tests, but they too, were about as invasive as mine. All the while, bills began to pour in (because infertility isn't usually covered by insurance).
After another month or two of waiting, we finally got in with the urologist to hear all the results and go over options.
"Based on your results, we have two options. One: you can have an outpatient procedure done to correct some veins (varicoceles). You may see results in three months and conceive naturally, or you may not see results for a year, if at all. Two: you can do IVF." That was it. Those were our two no-guarantee, expensive options.
Of course, if given any option of conceiving naturally, we would try it. They scheduled the outpatient surgery, and told us we wouldn't get any prices until the week of. But if we decided to cancel, we had to do so 72 hours before the surgery or we'd be charged a $250 fee. Seems like small potatoes, but we wanted to avoid a worthless fee if we could.
Another long wait for the surgery. So we planned a vacation that would land a month afterwards to finally catch a break from all the appointments and waiting and stress of it all.
Until three days before surgery, our clinic called to inform us of a "fee."
They couldn't explain what it was for, and at nearly 3K, we weren't willing to pony up that kind of cash without an explanation, so we demanded they cancel the surgery immediately. Just another setback, we thought.
Surprise, surprise!
By now, I hadn't taken a pregnancy test on a whim for probably a year or so. Why bother torturing yourself? Save yourself some heartache, Joy, just don't bother any more.
Nine days before our big vacation, I had a funny feeling. Something was different. I had one crappy pregnancy test left out of a box of twenty. I had saved it, after telling myself to save it for a time when I was SURE it would come out positive. For some reason, I thought this was that day.
Tom was in the shower, I peed into a cup, and walked out to play with Hondo. I returned a minute later and saw two lines. For the first time ever. EVER. In TWO years.
"Ummm..." I said.
"Umm is the sound in dumb" Tom replied from the shower (A quote from Parks and Rec haha).
"Tom, no, seriously, this test is positive."
He whipped the curtain back and we looked at it together in shock and disbelief.
"Does this mean I can't drink wine in Europe?!" I quipped (half joking, of course).
"Joy are you sure this test is accurate?" he asked.
He got out of the shower, and I got in. Both of us speechless and more afraid than excited. Afraid that it wasn't real or something would happen.
"Joy, it's getting darker," he said.
I quickly got dressed and rushed to the store for prenatal vitamins and more tests. Three more tests confirmed it. I called my doctor and they booked me the soonest appointment so I could get blood-work for confirmation. I left the office that day with a stack of pregnancy information booklets and resources.
Surreal doesn't even begin to cover it.
But you know what is most awe-inspiring to me?
The first day of your last period is the day they use to calculate your due date. Everything is based on that day and marks the "beginning" of your pregnancy.
It was that day that Tom was supposed to have his corrective surgery.
...
...
Let that sink in.
...
...
Had he had that surgery, we wouldn't be expecting our sweet baby boy right now. We said no to doctors and bills, and God said YES. After two years, He finally gave us a dramatic, clear, yes.
That's what I mean when I say there are times in life when God's plan is so muddled, but other times when it is just abundantly clear. We said no to a simple surgery, not knowing when the time would be right to pursue it again, and simply put our faith in God. We let go of control, and He took over. It's not always that clear, or that "simple" ... but it sure is an incredible testimony when it is.
Infertility has been the hardest thing we've ever faced. We may face it again, and the pain it comes with never leaves you.
But I can say this; even amidst the heartache, we had good days. We were surrounded by blessings that we probably took for granted. Our marriage remained strong, we had our health, Hondo came into our lives and comforted us and brought us the joy we were missing, and God was walking with us.
God is good. In the good times and bad, He is so good.
A couple take-aways:
Infertility is not just a "woman's issue." One third of cases is an issue with the woman, one third is an issue with the man, and one third is a combination of both.
1 in 8 couples will experience infertility. We never imagined we'd be that "one," yet here we are.
(source)
Though we miraculously conceived and are overjoyed, pregnancy after infertility has been wrought with fear. Many women have fear in pregnancy and beyond - it's a normal part of motherhood - but this is something ingrained a little deeper.
It's a fear of losing that child and grieving so deeply what took so long to achieve, and having to begin the horrible path of infertility again.
It's never feeling truly sure that things will be "okay" in the end. Whether that's birth, pregnancy, health of the baby, or the next time you try to get pregnant.
It's still feeling so broken when your friends in the infertility community endure yet another loss or failed attempt at IVF/IUI/adoption and you know there is nothing you can say or do to make their hurt go away.
It's "survivor's guilt" when you get pregnant and they are still waiting.
It's feeling far more protective of your child's life than you ever thought you would (like, I want to put our baby in a bubble after birth and never let anyone touch him hahaha).
It's still somehow feeling a twinge of pain with birth announcements, even though you're already expecting.
It's not feeling joy and excitement at the thought of trying for the next child, but emotional preparation and dread.
Life after infertility is, at its core, living in a constant state of unknown. It's a test of faith and trust in God's plan. His plan can be hard to see at times, and not like what you would plan for yourself, but He has never forsaken us and that is something I always cling to on the hardest of days. He is faithful, and I can honestly say that putting my trust in Him is the only place I have found peace.
If you are facing infertility, know that you are not alone. There are people in your same boat, feeling the same conflicting, crappy feelings as you, and crying themselves to sleep after yet another day littered with pregnant bellies and baby photos. There are resources and support groups that can offer solace, comfort, and advice (contact me if you would like to be part of something like this - it's confidential). Of course I am no expert and do not pretend to be, but I am a listening ear, and hope to be a voice for the silent sufferers of infertility. If our story helps even one person feel a sense of belonging and understanding, then I'm glad we shared it.
In the meantime, we'll be here. Praying for our precious baby that we are so privileged to welcome into the world in a few short weeks. We'll be praying for the infertile. And trusting in the peace we find in Jesus.
Second Trimester Recap
I see now, why people say the second trimester tricks women into thinking they could have a bazillion babies. This trimester was so amazing...
I see now, why people say the second trimester tricks women into thinking they could have a bazillion babies. This trimester was so amazing! I felt like my normal self, plus a cute not overly gigantic bump, and generally just felt so happy to be pregnant. I'll go into more detail below.
Symptoms
Nausea gone - I didn't usually puke every week even in the first trimester, but on week 16, I randomly puked twice and then it never came back, and the nausea left me completely. It's like it had to go out on a finale haha
Boobies - Sore, full, and leaky. Not trying to be TMI, but figured I'd give full disclosure.
Round ligament pain - This tapered off a bit in the later part of the second trimester
Thick hair - I read about it, and basically your hair just stays put instead of falling out like it normally would. There's hardly any hair in my brush these days, and my hair feels so luxe. I love it!
Emo - Gah, such a sap! And the dumbest things made/make me cry now. It's just a constant up and down of emotions sometimes, and I'm actually able to recognize it and laugh (and cry-laugh) about it. It's so bizarre to have no control over it haha
Extreme hunger - I didn't get crazy hunger pangs in the first trimester, but second trimester (and into third) have been sudden, dizzying, NEED FOOD NOW bouts.
Hemorrhoids - hey, I'm not gonna sugar coat. And this one legit suckssss hahaha
Back pain - just from the growing belly and your back having to compensate for the weight and balance. Thankfully I have a great husband who willingly helps a wifey out!
Clear skin - From bad acne in the first trimester, to luminous skin in the second - I'll take it!
Pee all the time - This has been my worst nightmare from BEFORE pregnancy. I have THE tiniest bladder, and now in pregnancy it's made functioning to a normal degree so difficult. I probably get up four times a night (and I don't flush every time because I'd have to flush a thousand times a day - and Tom sees all my pee in the toilet and can never believe it hahaha). But if there is one thing about pregnancy I'd complain about, it would be this. I pee before we go somewhere, and 15 minutes later I have to go again. So irritating.
Cravings
I can honestly say, I got a couple honest to goodness cravings in the second trimester. For a while there... Taco Bell (so bad, I know). But our nearest TB happens to be consistently really good, and Mexican pizzas are just so stinking delicious. Makes me want one right now as I type this, actually. Ha! The other one - MILK. For a couple weeks we had to buy so much flipping milk because I was guzzling it down like I'd never tasted milk in my life (normally I'm not a huge milk drinker). This one is still lingering, but it's not as insane as it was. We ran out of milk at one point and I nearly cried that I had to go to the store for more hahaha!
Second Trimester Journal
Weeks 13-15
We heard the heartbeat again at 13 weeks (the day we announced) and it was beautiful. We publicly announced a few days before 14 weeks, then we drove to Minnesota for Thanksgiving which was really fun. My mom took me maternity clothes shopping, because she was afraid I'd be a hobo pregnant woman and wear men's shirts (accurate).
Our Georgia house went under contract, but the buyers were a royal pain.
Weeks 16-20
The day before 17 weeks I got a kidney stone and we found out the gender in the ER. My belly popped a bit more during this time. I started to feel baby move more obviously, but Tom didn’t until...
the middle of week 18, baby was moving a LOT at bedtime. So much so, I could actually help Tom feel little jabs! It was so precious to say “There!” and he could correspondingly feel it! And then I’d be quiet and he was feeling them without me telling him. Super precious and fun. Like a goldfish hitting the side of a bag.
I was 19 weeks at Christmas and cried before church one morning because my clothes were ill-fitting. Not because I was sad to get bigger - that’s great, but that I didn’t have anything to wear that I felt cute in. It was that awkward in-between time where maternity clothes didn’t fit well yet, but regular clothes were too tight or laid weird. More and more, though, that belly was showing up!
At 20 weeks, my belly was round. Still smaller, but definitely pronounced. Tom made sure I got some clothes to make me feel better, and that helped immensely. Baby’s movements were obvious and often! There was no mistaking those little kicks and rolls.
Weeks 21-24
This baby MOVES! Bladder kicks were still shocking when they'd occur - haha - but overall, I loved this time during pregnancy when it’s just unmistakable what’s happening in there. We also had the anatomy scan at 21 weeks and baby looked so darling.
Week 22 we moved into our new house and it was BUSY! The day we closed, it iced. Then it snowed. Our move-in date got pushed two days later and our washer and dryer got delivered 10 days late.
On week 24, I started getting symptoms of a UTI, but I didn’t get any of the major symptoms. So my guess is that my bladder just suddenly got more squished! Around this time, I was also getting particularly emotional and needy. Bless Tom and his patience and sweet nature.
I also shared on social media and in my last blog post that we're having a BOY! We are over the moon.
Weeks 25-27
Still lots of movement, and much more intense. Those kicks and rolls started showing themselves through my clothes, even! The belly is also super apparent and it's fun when strangers ask about it or want to know what we're having, etc.. I also spend time talking to our little guy and singing. We slowly started going through our registry and buying things up and now we have all our furniture for the nursery and just need the other basics!
Overall, the second trimester has been amazing. I have continually kept the perspective that I don't know anything. I am intentionally allowing myself to let go of any expectations about pregnancy, birth, and parenting, because frankly, everyone does their thing and they really just figure it out as they go. Witnessing others who have gone on to have children before me, has taught me this - each and every person I've spoken to in regards to these topics has had something completely different to say. So my expectation is that I have none, and honestly, it has made this pregnancy feel fun, fresh, and new to me and I've been able to fully enjoy it and be grateful. The internet and people's experiences and opinions can be helpful, but sometimes they can be a hinderance to your own joy. All that to say, take your life as is, and don't compare and contrast it to another's - that is for them, this is for you. And for me? Well, right now, I'm happy and so content. *Now picture me raising a heaping glass of milk to cheers this next trimester!* Yippee!
Maternity Style | PinkBlush
You voted on Instagram, so here is a little maternity style post just for YOU! So, I'm gonna be real upfront and tell you that I seriously...
+ a surprise announcement!
You voted on Instagram, so here is a little maternity style post just for YOU!
So, I'm gonna be real upfront and tell you that I seriously love having a pregnant tummy. I think it's so fun to find ways to flatter it with different outfits, and I've truly enjoyed it. I know some people really mourn the loss of their pre-pregnant bodies, but after going through infertility, I am nothing but grateful to see that belly grow! Maybe you're the same, maybe you're not, but regardless, that belly will grow... so why not have some fun making it look adorable?
I spent some time online looking for cute maternity shops, and my favorite that I found, was called PinkBlush. They are more known for their maternity clothes, but they also carry regular women's clothing, plus, and maternity plus. I would definitely describe their overall style to be "boutique," but with super reasonable prices. Honestly, I feel like everywhere you go shopping at the very limited brick and mortar maternity clothes places, the prices are crazy high and you end up really limited in terms of options.
PinkBlush sent me a few items to share with you, and my true and honest opinion is: I LOVE THEM. They're flattering, they have tons of options, and the price is right. They even have the prettiest delivery robes!
Little thing - their sizes do seem to run big. I got everything in a medium (which I normally wear for tops and dresses) and I had plenty of room. I'm 24 weeks, so maybe in another 15 weeks, I'll go back on that statement (haha) but just a heads up.
Enough chatter - here are the cute pieces I snatched up AND an announcement mingled in there for you to find!
Did you catch it?! We're having a BOY and SO overjoyed!
The funny thing is, we found out in the emergency room when I was 17 weeks and had a kidney stone. I had to get an OB scan to make sure the baby was okay, and the tech was asking if we were planning on finding out, etc.. and we had said yes, but were just making conversation. When they wheeled my bed out of the ultrasound room, she came running after us with a folded up piece of paper and said, "If you want to know, you can look at the paper..." Of course, we looked the second we got back to our ER room and it was super precious and happy amidst the crappy scenario.
Anyways, I thought this post would be perfect for announcing our happy news :) simply because having something cute to wear makes it all the sweeter! Oh and that lace shoulder sweater up there is suuupppperrrr comfy and adorable and I've basically been living in it these days!
First Trimester Recap
As you've probably heard by now, Tom and I are expecting our first baby in May! After two years of infertility and all the fun (sarcasm)...
As you've probably heard by now, Tom and I are expecting our first baby in May! After two years of infertility and all the fun (sarcasm) doctor's appointments and so on with that, we were somehow blessed with this little miracle. All babies are miracles, of course, but really... God is pretty darn awesome to have made this little baby possible. We have been singing His praises ever since, let me tell you!
Instead of doing the whole weekly bump-date thing that, (no offense) is a little overkill in my opinion, I'll just do them by trimester for those of you who might be curious about all things baby. I hope that didn't sound mean, but plenty of people have babies and each and every week isn't honestly that different from the next, or from each person. So I figured this would be more efficient. Anyways, here's what weeks 1 - 12 looked like. I'm going off my notes at this point, as I'm currently on week eighteen.
Symptoms
Nausea - everyday until after lunch! A few bouts of actual puking, but mostly just queasy all the time.
Tired - Oh was I tired. There truly is nothing like that early pregnancy exhaustion. I haven't been a napper for a few years, so it was really weird to suddenly start passing out all the time.
Sore boobies - Yup! So uncomfortable! As a tummy sleeper, this was sooo sad.
Dizzy - It may have been part of the sleepiness, but I would get crazy dizzy spells and need to sit down. Water intake was certainly helpful because it's so much easier to get dehydrated while pregnant too.
Food aversions - Europe was awful. Didn't want bread, pasta, coffee, pastries, etc.. so I basically lived off of yogurt, fruit, and crackers. Beyond Europe, meat and veggies were also not favorites.
Sensitive to smells - Europe, was again, terrible for this. Cigarette smoke makes me dry heave just thinking about it even now, perfume, farts (haha), dog food, leftover food in the fridge, etc...
Crampy - I have felt my uterus growing from the beginning. Maybe I'm just one that's more annoyingly in-tune with my body, but I always notice cramping (which feels like it's happening a lot). This has always alarmed me because they resemble period cramps sometimes. More water always helps!
Emotional - I'm not a big crier, but holy moly. Every slightly adorable/sweet/sad/whatever made me a sobbing mess. I had to switch to exclusively waterproof mascara early on.
Acne - womp! I had such annoying breakouts!
Vivid dreams - The weirdest, most vivid dreams! I'm not usually one to dream a lot or at least remember them, but I was having crazy dreams every single night. I actually loved this.
Cravings
I can't really say I had cravings in the first trimester, as much as I had moments when something FINALLY sounded good and we would take advantage. If I "craved" anything, it was always fruit. But really, I was so nauseous the first trimester, if a burger suddenly sounded good, we'd hop to it because it was usually short lived. Like a lot of women, I lost a few pounds in the first trimester because eating was hard. I ate a lot of grilled cheese, fruit, ice cream, granola, yogurt, cereal, cheese, and salad. Warm foods sounded far less appealing than cold.
First Trimester Journal
Weeks 5-8
We found out I was miraculously pregnant NINE days before our long awaited Iceland/Europe trip. The week we found out, I rushed in to the doctor for confirmation because this was so hard to believe. My bloodwork all came back normal and on par with gestational age, but to help support the pregnancy, my doctor did put me on oral progesterone. I'm super thankful she did, but it definitely heightens those pregnancy symptoms!
Also, to be transparent, we had actually planned this trip to get our minds off our infertility and take a break from doctors appointments.
SIDE NOTE: If you've never been through infertility, there are months where you honestly don't think about it much, and months where you do. You just take it a day, a week, a month at a time. It's always in the back of your mind, and many things can certainly trigger your thoughts and emotions, but you have to find distractions or you'll go crazy. Please do NOT comment below and tell me we got pregnant because "we relaxed" or "stopped thinking about it." We didn't think about it the first few months, and that didn't get us pregnant. We had an actual diagnosis and tests to prove there was clearly an issue, so please, spare me. Sorry, it's just another WRONG thing to say to people who go through this trial... I mean it in love and in hopes it helps outsiders understand.
Anyways, during our three week trip I was 6, 7, and 8 weeks pregnant. Basically the worst possible times to travel while pregnant and probably the most difficult (*see: tired, nauseous, and sensitive to smells). I. was. miserable. Grateful... but miserable. We saw nothing in Paris because it smelled so awful and I was so exhausted from our red eye. I had to take a nap break almost every day so I could function later, mornings had to be slow because of the morning sickness, and poor Tom had to be our legs and fetch me what few foods I could stomach. One of the times I puked on the trip, was in Northern Italy. I had opened our fridge to get some milk out for cereal, and caught a whiff of the leftover pizza. I had to RUN to the bathroom!
As a positive, though, I learned how to say "I'm pregnant" in Italian and it got me into a lot of restrooms without a hitch. Even in France, where we met a lot of rude people, once they figured out I was pregnant, they had a tendency to be more gracious and were suddenly willing to speak English..? The Italians were so cute when I'd spill the beans and were always super thrilled and happy. (I need to write about France and Italy, by the way!) Overall though, our trip had amazing "highs" and some yucky "lows" purely because that much travel at that particular time in pregnancy was not exactly enjoyable. Soooo many planes, trains, and cars!
Once we landed in the U.S. we stayed in a hotel with a luxurious king sized bed and slept (mostly) well (*see: jet lagged). I immediately felt better. So much so, most of my symptoms actually seemed to disappear and I felt a little worried. Thankfully, the day after we arrived home, we had our first ultrasound and baby was measuring right on track with a beautiful heartbeat! Shortly after that, I came down with an awful cold, and was down for the count for quite a while. But it was so good to be home!
Weeks 9-12
On week 10, I had my first OB appt. My blood pressure was high when I got there, and just fine when I was leaving. So they had me start checking at home. From checking at home, we narrowed it down to office nerves :) In that same OB appointment I got to hear the heart again. I thought it was just going to be blood work, so I had told Tom he didn’t need to come. He was bummed when he found out I heard the heartbeat - rookie mistake! They always listen to that heart!
During this time, Tom also accepted a job in Nashville (week 12) and we had to start the process of getting that moving. As it was early-mid November, it was looking like we’d be in house limbo during Christmas which was too bad, but we were so excited for these new adventures, it didn't rattle us. We had loved our visits to Nashville, and with a baby on the way, it was nice to be a few hours closer to family in the Midwest.
I stopped taking progesterone at the end of week 12. I remember being worried about this - as if it was my safety blanket - but my doctor assured me that the placenta would now have taken over! There was a little more cramping, but it soon evened out and I transitioned off of it just fine.
As many women have observed before me, the first trimester was not very fun! Things have been far better in the second trimester and I'm so glad for it. Those first weeks are mostly a game of figuring out how to manage your nausea and nap the day away while still continuing your life as normal. I dreaded Sunday mornings because I feared getting sick in church, and I felt so bad whenever Tom was eating something that stunk and I was gagging at him - haha!!
Of course, with the first trimester behind me, I'd gladly do it all again for the privilege to carry a life. We longed for, prayed for, and waited for this baby for seemingly ages, and we could not be more excited for him/her to arrive in May! Even on the hardest days of the last two years, God was good. He is good all the time - in the happy and the sad - but of course, we fail to see it in the sad, don't we?