Choose Your Words
This has been a recent topic of my mind in the last few days.
Choose your words. Choose how you say them. If they are not constructive, don't say them. Build up others with your words, don't tear them down.
Everyone learns this lesson many times over in their lives. I tend to learn it more often than most...sharing things is therapeutic for me. I love to share everything about everything. And I put my foot in my mouth...a LOT.
Many people have made me feel lesser for being that way...until one day I had this very short discussion with a guy friend in college, and I never forgot what he said.
I apologized to him, because I was being my usual overly-curious, over-sharing self.
"Sorry," I said, "I'm too open and blunt basically all of the time"
"Joy, that's okay..really," he said, "You're like an open book...with BIG print and PICTURES! It's not a bad thing at all!"
I had never thought that part of my personality was a positive thing. Most people keep things to themselves and don't ask a lot of questions. They leave it to themselves to discover things. I'm brimming with curiosities. Google doesn't know why such-and-such a person is the way that they are - I need to ASK! Haha..I can't help it.
And when I'm frustrated or worried or confused, I VENT! If I keep my thoughts ALL to myself, I go nuts - sometimes the encouragement and advice of other people is what I need to give me more to sit and think on and decide how to handle that emotion or situation. If I let myself be frustrated for 24 hours and vent about it, by the next day, I have a great new outlook and better attitude.
When I'm alone in my thoughts, only anger builds. Bitterness. Hardness of heart.
But you know what, sometimes you have to realize, that not EVERYONE is the RIGHT person to throw your concerns on. I can spill it to God, my husband, my sisters, my mom, and best friends...heck, even my dad and brothers!
These are people who will pray for me, love me, and always always encourage me. They'll let me feel how I need to feel, because they know I'll get over it soon enough.
So then comes this song. As something was weighing on my heart as of late, I heard this song out of nowhere. Sometimes, I need to just bite my tongue, because someone already hears the concerns and anxieties of my heart...my Savior!
There is a time and place and certain persons that I need to remember are okay to word-vomit to, and again, this song was exactly what I needed to hear. My next personal development item is to learn to keep quiet! There is beauty in being an open book with big print and pictures, but there is tact in shutting up too.
Here are some of the lyrics - which, since it's Relient K, I'm sure they're talking about their Savior.
Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed
And when I finally do
Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You're the reason I
Have meaning in this life
Is so I swallow all my pride
And give you control
I give it all to you
And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Do you ever struggle with foot-in-your mouth syndrome? Thankfully, I have friends who have this syndrome too :) Looking back to laugh always helps.
One Year Married
I really cannot believe that Tom and I have been married a whole year. In the grand scheme, yeah, a year is short. But I feel like we've been married for like 4 months - does time progress in marriage?? It's really so wonderful though, and we have already been on a great adventure of marriage together. It's fun to figure things out with someone - there are gives and takes and joys and disappointments and it all converges into such a beautiful thing. I get to share in this guy's life....for the REST of his life! And there has hardly been a dull moment. I swear, friendship is the key to marriage (because obviously I know soooooo much about marriage now that we've been together a WHOLE YEAR!). Seriously though. Tom and I were joking, teasing, good talks, and funny story telling friends before we ever even dated. That friendship grew into more, but the FRIENDS part remained.
Anyways, to celebrate our first year...of course...it mostly involved food.
We're going to become such food and wine snots before we know it.
We didn't do legitimate gifts (okay, Tom got a couple bottles of rye and bourbon, and I get to take myself shopping), but overall, we really enjoy experiences more than THINGS.
So Friday, we made steak and twice baked potatoes to go with a 2009 Italian import red wine that my CEO gave to us for our wedding last year. We saved it just for this occasion, and wow. It was amazing.
Saturday we took a trip to the Basilica of Saint Josaphat in Mil-town because I've never seen it. I adore historical architecture, so it was amazing to finally see it. Breakfast included french press coffee and monkey bread. Oh! And we got BRAND new phones and a new carrier!
Sunday we went to church, spent the afternoon at the mall (happy wife!), drove up to Port Washington where we were supposed to eat at The Pasta Shoppe.....but as I was getting out of the car, I dropped my BRAND NEW phone on the ground and the screen shattered. Soooo we drove BACK to the mall (the nearest T-Mobile) and they were randomly closed an hour earlier than usual. So in between my tears, we decided on a place near downtown Milwaukee and split a bottle of wine. Then we took a walk by the lake and FINALLY headed home. It was a long, fun, very eventful day.
I'll leave a trail of pictures so that this doesn't get long-winded....but cheers to my husband for an incredible year of marriage.
Making Your Legacy
Irma and Gerhard Aho
My sweet grandmother passed away this week. She had been on hospice care, was 87 years old, and slipped out of this life peacefully while she slept. She was classy, enchanting, and so devilishly mischievous. She will be missed, but sooooo many memories of her live on through her 6 children, their spouses, and her 20-something grandchildren.
As my mother and I both agreed, as Christians, death is not really all that sad. There is so much hope and comfort in knowing that your loved one was a child of God and always witnessed their faith like it was second nature. Even only a few years ago, before her health had degraded so much, she used to tell my mom "If I pass tonight, don't be sad for me, children, don't be sad." She knew that WE knew she would be going home to her Savior.
My grandmother was always dressed so beautifully, not a piece of jewelry out of place or a tiny high-heeled shoe off her foot. She had a grace and poise like no other woman I've known. Always very calm....unless you played Scrabble with her and tried to make up a word.
She was the only grandparent I ever really knew. My other grandmother passed away when I was about 5, and both of my grandfathers were gone before I was even born. She was my example of aging gracefully, and she left me with such a wonderful example at that. Physically, there was hardly a wrinkle on the soft skin of her face. I don't think I heard her raise her voice ONCE. Not even when she scolded us grandchildren for not obeying our parents or for not mixing our food (okay Grandma, you were right...mixing your food DOES taste better). Her quiet firm tone was always enough to put us in our place. I don't know, maybe my other naughtier siblings had more wrath than me..but personally I was never yelled at. But I didn't poop my pants and then hide behind a tree like my brother. I hope she yelled at him for that..haha!
She was the essence of a lady. HOWEVER, she knew how to play a good prank. Her children can recall these stories for you. Like turning all the clocks back in the house to make her children think they were ALL late for school. She watched them all flying in and out of the bathroom and try to get their breakfast and wash their faces...annnnd then quietly sat back and said "April Fools........you all have an hour." I'm quite sure her quiet sassyness made its way through the gene pool, ask my husband.
Today, I feel so honored to have known such a lady. Though I didn't have the time with her I wish I'd had, I have so many little things to take away from the legacy she left:
- To love my Savior as she did, putting all my trust in Him.
- To greet people in the morning with made-up songs about how happy you are to see them.
- To give big hugs that also included a "love slap."
- To keep your voice and demeanor pleasant.
- To remember my beautiful Finnish roots.
- To make recipes she made as a wife and mother.
- To eat slowly and enjoy my food (I can't guarantee this one)
- To love my children deeply.
- To serve my husband diligently.
- To tease.
- To sit up straight.
- To mix my food and love Hagen Daz.
- To sing about everything: Cooking, children, bed time, etc..
- To keep my hair out of my eyes and also not to rub my eyes.
- To be kind to others.
- To love and respect my parents.
- And to never, ever lose faith in the Lord. He is what we should always cling to.
Why do couples stop doing this?
I think holding hands is the most basic and non-intrusive form of showing someone affection. I think it is something so small, that no couple should ever have an excuse not to do if their hands are not occupied with something else and they are walking with or sitting next to their significant other. I tend to pay attention to this a lot, being a newlywed, in couples older and wiser than myself...but what I've largely found is that they don't hold hands! Even young couples like my husband and I who have been together around 3 or so years don't do it! It's such a tiny statement of affection and possession, but no one does it anymore.
I once watched an entire theater exit a movie, as we were waiting to enter it, majority of them older or middle aged couples. I watched them walk from their theater, all the way down the hall to leave the building. NOT ONE couple grasped their partner's hands (one woman out of the crowd put her arm through his arm). Men had their hands in their pockets and the women just wandered along side. It was so sad - I just wanted to shout "Hold her hand! She's right there!"
I could go on and on about this subject...I feel very strongly about it. Maybe it's just me. Others maybe don't get anything from holding the hand of their loved one, but personally, it keeps me close to my husband. I feel connected to him without being intrusive and I like to let others know we belong together.
Maybe this is just a silly rant, but I urge those who are married to never stop holding the hand of your spouse. Don't let that fade with the newlywed stage. I feel like when you let those tiny affections fade, other small things go with it...and so much of what Tom and I have learned so far in our marriage, is that those little things are what really mean the most.