I Love My Husband (By Choice)

"I love you... by choice" seems like a pretty unromantic thing to say, doesn't it?

Think for just a moment about the the little choices you make on a regular day-to-day basis.

The choice to clean the kitchen.
The choice to leave early and miss the traffic.
The choice to read that extra story to the kids.
The choice to pick up groceries.

Now, if you stopped making those little choices, what would happen?

The kitchen might get messier and messier and become an even bigger task to clean up.
If you do not leave early, you might get stuck in that traffic and show up late to work.
If you skip that extra story, you might get a head-start on bed, but you'd miss that sweet extra moment with your babies.
If you don't pick up the groceries, you'll most likely end up eating some bad fast food, or spending more money than you should have at a restaurant.

Love is no different. Love has, wound up in its core, so many pieces that make it one... honesty, vulnerability, trust, patience, kindness, unselfishness, and so many others. Some will say that love is an action. Sure, parts of love require action. That could be physicality, doing the dishes, giving a gift, spending time together, or telling your wife that you appreciate her. Sounds like the five "love languages" huh? Yes, you can even feel love.

But even in all those variables, is a choice. 

I choose to be patient with my husband. He chooses to be kind to me. I choose to do the dishes when he's had a long day, and he chooses to snuggle me just a little longer in the morning. 

When so many people leave their spouses exclaiming it's because they "fell out of love," I believe it's because they chose to. Did they stop thanking their spouse for doing the laundry? Or giving them a long hug and a kiss before they left for work? Did they forget to call their wife when they made it safely to their business trip across the country? Did they get the kids ready for school so their spouse could sleep in, just this one time? Or did they keep their plans with their friends, even though their partner was sick? 

When you stop choosing your spouse, every day, it shows. Just as choosing not to style your hair shows... and leaving work at the worst time shows... and not cleaning the kitchen shows. Every choice that we make affects another aspect of our lives. In marriage, that truth resounds. 

Every morning, I choose my husband. I choose to slowly wake up with him and chit-chat before getting ready for the day. I make coffee for us without even thinking about it, but without fail I hear a "thank you for making coffee" from that sweet guy I call husband. If I intentionally stopped making coffee, I would in turn stop hearing that thank you. That doesn't seem like it would be the worst thing to ever happen... right?

That's where choosing love presents itself in a much bolder sense. Sure, it's an easy choice to love someone who makes you coffee everyday and thanks you for picking up the living room. But when they don't do those things? That is where you intentionally choose love. 

We're imperfect. Every single being on this earth is imperfect. By God's grace, we are forgiven. We don't deserve forgiveness. We can't even earn it. But He chooses us, each day. What a GIFT! When I look at my failures and all the places I fall short, it would be easy not to love me. But God doesn't "fall out of love" with me. He forgives me, day in and day out. He chooses me. Not by my own reason or strength can I believe in Jesus Christ or come to HIm... but He calls me by the Gospel, enlightens me with His gifts, sanctifies and keeps me in the one true faith.

As Christians, we are called to love as Christ loves. Love by saying you're sorry, because you have things to be sorry for. Love by forgiving, because you need forgiving too. Love by choosing the same sinful person everyday until death, because Christ chooses you and your sinful self every day.

So yes, as unromantic as it sounds, loving one person for the rest of your life is a choice. But what a beautiful, forgiving, exciting, comfort it is to know that by choosing your spouse every day, you are loving them as Christ loves you. It's hard to do. We disappoint and fail to meet expectations and don't say sorry as much as we should... but knowing that someone chooses to love me despite all that, makes it so worth it to choose love every.single.day.

Also, this post was inspired by this song... which I cannot stop listening to. Enjoy!

What Does a Blogger Even Do?

That's a great question. It's the one I basically get all of the time, and is also kind of annoying to me. Haha. Like I said, I do not sugar coat here. That question, though valid, is always annoying. 

If you have ever gone to a blog, it has words on it. Someone wrote those words. I write the words on my blog, and would consider myself a writer. Short answer. Can't people use deductive reasoning here? Goodness.

However, I understand that blogging is not a common career, unless you do all the social media for a company, in which case, blogging is often part of the job duty. So I understand how when you ask someone what they do and they respond "I'm a blogger" it sounds sort of like they sit in their pajamas all day and write things while watching Netflix in the background. Okay, part of that is true... but I really don't watch Netflix EVERY day.

Trust me, I get it. I get how it sounds to people older than me. But whenever someone my age asks what I do, there is never a hint of confusion and they think it's the coolest thing ever. However, let me dive in and explain blogging as a career! Yaaayyyy!

Do you make money from blogging?

• Yes... over time. Blogging as a career doesn't happen overnight and sometimes doesn't even happen over a year. It takes time, patience, and consistency to see monetary results. We gain money from selling ad space, sponsorship, and freelance writing. Many bloggers have other jobs to compensate for the slow process, but others choose to live on a tighter budget in order to dedicate their time to blogging full-time.

Do you actually hang out in your pajamas all day?

• Yes. I don't wake up at 10 though. I actually wake my husband up so he can get ready for work. Once he's in the shower, I make coffee and start working before he's even out the door. But one of my goals in the new year is to shower before noon every day. 

Besides writing, what could possibly occupy your time??

• Research on trending topics to stay relevant with my audience.
• Networking with other bloggers. Collaborating, emailing, reaching out via social media, constant, constant outreach. It's one of the important steps in gaining a following.
• Editing posts. Posts don't always get written in a day. Sometimes I need to let one rest in purgatory before my creative juices can come back. This means writing paragraph after paragraph, and deleting the entire thing and starting over. 
• Editing photos. If you want to use original photos, they don't usually look good just downloaded off your iPhone. They need to be edited and that doesn't take 5 minutes. Especially if you're going to post a gallery of photos. The image above? I took several pictures, picked one, edited the colors, contrast, etc... then spent the time to put text on it, downloaded it, had to convert it to a jpeg, then had to make sure it looked good at the top of this page (placement, etc...). It's very time consuming, and easy to be lazy and have poor imagery. One of my goals this year is to have top notch photos (keep me accountable, people!)
• Upkeep on my website. Not only did I customize and build this website in about a week and a half, but I have to keep up with it. I make sure posts are showing up correctly - in the right categories, correct spelling, my links and buttons are working as they should, mobile looks correct, etc...

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What are the perks of being a blogger?

• Flexibility. I have lunch when I get hungry. I can schedule appointments whenever I want. My vacation isn't limited to hours earned or a certain number of weeks. Which is soooo nice when people visit or when I'm trying to plan a trip. I can be involved in things during the day (volunteering, networking meetings, etc...). I can run errands when traffic isn't a cluster. The house stays clean and I can start dinner before Tom gets home from work. It's great.
• Decision making. I love love LOVE working with people, but not when they're making all my decisions for me. I love that I can network with others, but own my thang. In many ways I can be a loner, but writing for other people brings me so much joy. I like to say the things other people are too afraid to say. I can stand behind my words, and I encourage others to let their voice be heard too.
• Continued learning. I get to teach myself cool new skills and it rocks! I started dabbling in hand-lettering, I can take classes on Skillshare, I've learned basic coding skills, and I can take free classes offered in Atlanta during the day. Not to mention, I'm married to a UX Designer and whatever he learns, I get to learn too.
• Talking to my family during the day when they're home. Love that.

What stinks about blogging?

• Feeling isolated. I don't have co-workers, so I have to get creative and force myself to work outside of our apartment or I'll get terrible cabin fever. This is why I talk on the phone with family a lot. Sometimes I bounce ideas off of them... and if anything, they're great company.
• Accountability. It can be easier to push something off because I don't have to make a deadline for anyone but myself. Another thing that I'm working on in the new year!
• Holding to work hours. I'm working on keeping set work hours of 9-5. However, when you work and live in the same place, the lines get smudged and suddenly I can't put my work down until 10pm, or maybe I'll throw in the towel at 2pm. Cabin fever gets worse, because my husband comes home to unwind and I want to get OUT to unwind. Or when people know you work from home, they assume you're free every weekday whenever... which you could be... but it's important to keep a level of consistency and be able to say no sometimes. I'm working on the right balance, but it's tough.

Overall, blogging is about learning the right balance, constant learning and skill-honing, and lots and lots of hard work. Is it worth the challenge? Absolutely. Is it rewarding? You bet. It's a work of my own hands.

If you're thinking about blogging, if you'd like to guest blog for me, if you'd like to collaborate, or if you still don't get what a blogger does, contact me!