Thoughts While Hangry
In case you've been living in a cave, the term hangry is the blending of the words hungry and angry.
Taken from the most accurate possible online dictionary, Urban Dictionary, here is one definition:
"The state of being so hungry that it has become infuriating. A hybrid of hungry and angry."
I'm here to walk people through the thoughts one might have when experiencing this wrath of an emotion. My husband has learned the hard way, that I actually become hulk-like in my hangriness and it should be avoided at all costs. Those who think this is nothing more than a dramatic response to being overly hungry have clearly never experienced it. There is no controlling the power of this state of hungriness.
Sadly, I experience this more often than I should. Part of what makes one so angry, is that their hunger could have possibly been avoided if precautions had been taken. For example, I make the moronic decision to go to church without eating breakfast (and I eat breakfast every other day of the week, so clearly, I wake up dumb on Sundays). Because of this rash decision, my mind trails off during worship and I think of nearby restaurants for much longer than is acceptable. Then, as my stomach groans on during the service, my dear husband can see/hear the hangriness building inside me and we usually make a sprint after the service to get me in the car before I start gnawing on people's arms (he's usually hangry too, so it's not just me). Really, if I would just remember to eat something before leaving the house, much could be avoided. Alas, I never learn.
Thoughts while hangry:
Is that a headache?
Oh no. My stomach just growled. Or, it's about to. I can feel it.
Yep. That's a growl.
When is the soonest I can get to food?
I have to wait at least and hour and a half??
It's okay. Just don't think about it.
...ugh. Hungry hungry hippo right now.
...okay, to save time, I should decide where to eat now.
I could literally eat anything right now.
Just something to make my hunger staaahhhppp.
McDonalds? No. Too fast-foody.
Subway? Ick, their bread.
Jimmy Johns? That's always the emergency choice.
Pizza? Too early. This day doesn't seem like a pizza day. Plus it'll take too long to bake.
BBQ? Not in the mooooodddd
Nothing fried...
Not pancakes... too heavy.
Sit down restaurant? And wait longer? I think not.
What in the world is fast and delicious and not too unhealthy and really close??
A grocery store? Too many choices. It'll take too long to decide.
Do I want breakfast or lunch?
WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!?!
Okay, we're on thin ice, here.
Nothing sounds good anymore.
Yep, I've reached hangry levels, now.
I can't think of one food that sounds good.
If I order a waffle I'll want an egg, but I don't want both.
Should I eat something with fruit? Or will I just wish I had gotten fried chicken?
I'm worried about food regrets. This is a serious decision.
Okay, even if I waited for pizza I have no idea what toppings to even get.
Maybe I should choose a specific cuisine.
Chinese = food coma
Mexican = gas
American = greasy rock in your stomach
Indian .... mayyyybe?
Mmm naan.
Only from that one place though.
UGH IT'S SO FAR.
Maybe we could order ahead... but could we still eat it there?
Wait though, I haven't decided if I want coffee.
If I want coffee, then we need to have breakfast foods.
THIS IS A DISASTER.
Is that Indian place even going to be open today?
No. I need to start over.
Coffee means breakfast-y foods.
Breakfast sandwich? Eggs, bacon, waffles, and everything? Oh, I would want hash browns then. Hash browns instead of eggs? What if fruit on my waffles costs extra?
Okay, screw the healthy choices. This is a matter of life or starving.
I feel like I need something crunchy too.
Would I want something for dessert?
I'll just have someone else decide.
***someone else decides***
(internally) Noooooo anything but that... UGHHHH FINE. I have no choice now.
***Arrive. Look at menu for ages. Bounce between four options. Not loving any of them***
***Order. Wait for what seems like an hour.***
FINALLY FOOD.
***Start inhaling food***
***Doesn't finish food, but feels stuffed***
It's a never ending internal battle. Although, sometimes it's external (sorry Tom). Either way, it is a dangerous road to go down. I happen to be writing this during a serious lifestyle change in my eating habits, so my hangriness has been rather vocal lately. Pray for me and the well-being of my husband (hahaha).
Hangry sufferers? For the sake of those you love, carry some snacks. Or for goodness sake at least eat breakfast. Hangry sufferers UNITE!
(I really hope you're catching my sarcasm in this post. But it's like that half kidding/half serious kind of thing. Being hangry is not funny. But it kind of is.... in retrospect)
Removing Ceiling Texture
Long before we even closed on our little abode, we decided our first project would be to remove the icky ceiling texture. When I told my family about it, they seemed to shrug it off as if ceiling textures are NBD. Okay, fair enough... you can live quite comfortably in a home without the ceiling textures affecting your ability to dwell there peaceably. But let's be honest. These are real ugly:
See how "shadowy" it makes the room seem? The ones in our house are not "popcorn." They actually have several names (crows feet, panda paws, slapbrush, etc), none of which sound particularly pleasant.
The first thing we did was look up YouTube tutorials and read a few how-to's. After trying several methods throughout our entire upstairs, Tom has come to a good system for smoothing these cavernous babies out.
You'll need:
- bug sprayer
- putty knives
- sand paper and tools for sanding
- masks and eye protection
- drywall mud
- primer
- patience!
We started in a secondary bedroom and used it as a "test room." We would spray an area, let it sit, and then scrape. The problem was, this particular texture was so thick, we had to scrape two layers to get down to the sheet rock instead of just one. Spray, set, scrape... spray, set, scrape. It took a couple days and serious manual labor to remove everything, but we succeeded! And there was only a layer of dust on every surface of the house! It was really messy, guys. What we realized though, was we didn't actually need to get ALL the way to the sheetrock. Not only was it difficult and time consuming, but it didn't give us the best results. Part of the reason contractors texturize ceilings is to mask imperfections. Getting those perfectly smooth ceilings isn't easy, so they save themselves some time.
Now, having done this process room by room, this is the process we've landed on. It isn't as time-saving as some other methods we've tried, but it gives the best results with moderate effort.
So sorry for the image quality. We weren't planning on using these photos for posts!
Remove one layer:
Freshly mudded, sanded, and primed:
Painted:
After my family saw the before and afters, they realized what a huge difference it makes. We live in Georgia, which has very dense forests, so our house is extremely shaded. This leaves us with limited natural light, so removing those shadow-casting-ceilings was so refreshing! Our goal is to give off the illusion of a naturally lit home by smoothing out the ceilings, choosing cool/bright paint colors, and using fabrics that seem "airy."
Have you ever done a little ceiling reno before? Did you add, or remove texture? Never before have we put so much thought or research into ceilings (does that make us sound old? ...ehhhh.. we're over it.. we're obsessed with this ceiling and not ashamed to say it)
Why You Shouldn't Live Together
My husband and I have been married just over two years. Before getting married, we did not live together. We graduated from college in May 2012 and I lived with my best friend and he chose the bachelor life in an apartment closer to his work and about an hour away from me. Because of our upbringing and traditional, Christian beliefs, living together never even crossed our minds. It was a 'given' that that wasn't something we would do.
To tell you the truth, it was one of the smartest things we've done. Let me break it down.
Why you shouldn't live together:
1. Learn independence
Whether you're still in college, just graduated, or out for two years; learning independence and fending for yourself is so important. You take care of your own bills, buy your own clothes, live with your best friends, and simply learn more about yourself. It's a time to decorate however you want, eat whatever you want, and go to bed after reading trash magazines and binge watching Netflix with your best friend (cue Miss Independent). Take this time to prove you can handle yourself. You know where the DMV is and you most certainly can remember to get your oil changed on time. These are good lessons.
2. Stability
This goes along with independence, but it deserves it's own note because financial stability is a very hard lesson to learn. You learn limits fast. Suddenly, you have to choose between the new tops you found at Express, or your next three meals. It's about prioritizing. For me, the value of money and 'things' changed. That time in my life has forever caused me to become a minimalist and never take money for granted. Living off toast for a week because rent, gas, utilities, and my phone bill were due at the same time has never left my memory, and it made me a frugal person. It changes you.
3. You won't take your S.O. for granted
Living apart made me appreciate my relationship more. You worry about each other driving in inclement weather. You miss each other. Seeing each other is special and saying goodbye is hard. Many might agree that living apart made them love their S.O. a little extra.
4. You have to work harder at your relationship
Along with taking each other for granted, you also realize that it still takes work to be together. Dates still need to be planned. Meeting up regularly has to become habitual and take high priority. There's no room for complacency if you want your relationship to work.
5. Physicality is more exciting
So often you come across those articles about how sex stops after marriage. Word of advice: don't live together beforehand. If you choose not to live together, the temptation isn't constantly lurking across the bed. Living apart puts a greater focus on more important portions of your relationship (dating, communication, etc..). Let the sex come later. Let it be new.
6. You'll give more time to friends and family
Whether you're choosing instead to live with your friends/alone/with family, being independent of your S.O. will give you a chance to choose how you spend your time. Again, you will learn to prioritize your relationship, and the relationships you have with others. Your time will be your own.
7. Forces you to take the next step
Why would you bother spending the money, time, and energy to plan a wedding if you're already reaping the benefits of marriage by living together? You've got a great girl sleeping next to you, cooking for you, coming home to you every night... why spend thousands on a wedding or a ring? Yeah, and what if that same girl dumps you one day and takes your dog with her? No legal repercussions. You get as little or as much as you can work out with your ex. So awkward! Not living together forces you to either fish or cut bait. I do not mean this as a way to 'trap' someone in a relationship. But if this person loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you, they need to decide for themselves while living independently of you if they are ready to take that step. They would know it would be costly, but the end result would be commitment and companionship for life. Those who say they need to 'test drive the car before they buy it' are missing the point of marriage. You are not always going to have a smooth ride with this person. Sometimes marriage is going to stink. But when you weigh the good against the bad and realize that you are committed to making it work no matter what, and they are too, then make the leap. You don't need to live together to figure that out.
8. Marriage will feel earned
Yes, so often living together would be loads easier. My husband lived 15 minutes from where I worked, but instead I drove 45 minutes. When you spend so much time waiting for things, it feels earned to finally have the things you waited for. I earned it to finally live close to work. He earned it to finally have a beautiful woman cook him dinner. We earned it to receive some gifts to start us off in our life together, from the people who loved us most. We waited to finally spend every day together and wake up next to the person we dreamt of waking up to only months prior. Man, it makes you grateful. Even two+ years later - waking up next to my husband is such a pleasure.
9. Marriage is just... easier
Who pays the rent? Utilities? Do you share groceries? Who pays??? Tom and I lament over this one a lot. All the other good things about marriage aside, everything is just so much easier when you have the same last name. Same checking account, bills in both names, groceries come from one account. Easy peasy. I just can't fathom the stress of trying to make expenses fair when you aren't married. Don't get me wrong, obviously people make it work, but... why? Just for the sake of convenience, marriage is awesome. Haha!
10. It's just more exciting to wait
No, but really. Waiting to live together until you're married is just more fun. I was nervous, excited, worried, etc... and when the day finally came, it was so worth the wait.
It was a privilege and still is. It taught me to not take my spouse for granted. I learned what it was like to not wake up to him when I really wanted to. I had to wait. It wasn't easy, but it was more than worth it. There are so few novelty experiences anymore because we just do what we want when we want to. When you learn patience, you learn to appreciate. Through that you understand gratefulness and becoming less selfish.
What are your thoughts on this? Agree, disagree, indifferent? Everyone will differ on their beliefs and opinions. For us, it was a matter of morals and values based on shared faith. Either way, I hope this gave you something to think about or enjoy. Happy Monday! :)
Wisconsin (Summer 2015)
HELLO PEOPLE!
*GIANT SIGH*
We have moved.
Settled in a bit.
Driven 14 hours.
Stood up in a wedding.
Camped with one side.
Stayed with the other side.
Driven another 14 hours.
Grocery shopped for the first time in about a month.
Now I am preparing for guests for a week-long stay. Such a busy month we have had! It has been immensely exciting, stressful, and fun... but I am SO ready to be back to a writing routine. I hope you missed me because I missed all of you lovely people! I have had to consciously avoid my blogging friends or I knew I would find myself immersed in their awesome writing instead of focusing on the craziness at hand. Haha!
All that aside, here is a picture tour of what we did over the last 10+ days in Wisconsin. I was the matron of honor in my friend's beautiful wedding, we camped in the Wisconsin Dells with my 24 person immediate family (not a joke haha), then we spent the final three days with my in-laws buzzing around fun places in the Milwaukee or Madison area. My husband and I have not had a long vacation since our honeymoon and this trip, though packed full of events, was so lovely to spend together. We laughed and laughed and talked.. and laughed some more. Love that man to pieces. He is my best and truest friend. What a blessing he is to me every day *cheesy-rant over*
Enjoy the following shots!
Expect to hear more from me after this week. Thanks for hanging tight during my absence!
If you're looking for some good tunes, listen to the Hozier radio station on Pandora. I haven't turned it off for two days. Sooooo goooood.
I'm getting all random on you guys because I don't know where to start and I want to word vomit everything I've seen or heard or ate in the last three weeks! K, sorry. I'm done. Peace and blessin's.
House Buying // Part 8 Finale
In my last update, we were waiting for everything to go through (appraisal, inspection, loan, etc...). After that, it was simply a waiting game until our close date. We had a couple small ticket items come back from the inspection that we asked the current owners to fix, which they did. So let me explain what happened in closing and the weeks prior:
PART 8: Closing time.
Since we had a flexible close date, we let the current owners decide on some dates. They gave us two options and we chose the one that gave everyone involved the most time to pack and get out. I think that was also their preference, so it was perfect. In those weeks before, there was very little going on. We would get an update on where our loan was in the approval process, or the time and place of our closing meeting. So when the afternoon finally arrived, we were soooo ready. Our apartment was all packed and cleaned, and I had a "weekend box" of an air mattress and cleaning supplies that I was going to bring to the house immediately afterwards. We would be in the house a couple of days before moving, so I wanted to spend that time deep cleaning.
In some states, Georgia included, the final closing meeting includes several people: The buyers, the sellers, each side's Realtor, the buyer's loan officer, and a closing attorney. Everyone all together at one table. I had asked my Realtor if these meetings were ever awkward. She told me they can be.. usually everyone is just kinda quiet, or if there had been disagreements between buyer/seller it could get uncomfortable. Thankfully, we already liked the sellers (based on what we knew of them, and the way they took care of their house). We hoped they'd be just as excited to meet us..... and guys?... they were. They were a younger couple, but older than us (they have young children). They were the age of my older siblings, so I felt comfortable with them. The four of us were the first ones to the law office - we greeted each other right away and everyone was all smiles! Remember that heartfelt letter I had written them while they were deciding on multiple offers? They reiterated SEVERAL times to us and the Realtors that that was the overarching reason they chose our offer. They said it was an answered prayer, and after reading our letter, there was no question our offer was "the one." What a sweet thing to hear!! Usually in these situations you expect that people would choose whatever benefits them the most financially... but these kind, caring, genuine people wanted something greater than that. They wanted someone to love their home the way they loved it. It was their first home, and the one they started their family in. It held so many memories for them, that they didn't want it to go to someone who had no heart to care about that fact. They wanted their beloved neighbors to have a new little couple to love and see them start a family there too. I know I'm beginning to ramble, but these two were seriously the sweetest people!!! Our closing meeting was SO positive! Not to mention, our Realtor was such a sweetheart and brought us a housewarming gift - a chime for the porch!
Throughout the couple hours we were all there, signing papers, etc... we kept talking and getting to know each other. Everyone was laughing and sharing memories and she was telling us about all the neighbors. We asked questions about the house, they told us about things nearby, as well as good trails behind the house. They were actually building their next home, but admitted they were almost more excited for us to have this one - so sweet! We weren't even paying attention to the papers we were signing! When everything was over, we all hugged. It felt like we had made honest-to-goodness friends who were simply passing the torch down to us (the wife and I almost cried as she handed me the house keys and garage openers across the table).
Seriously guys, the whole experience was so endearing. Saying goodbye was very bittersweet!
At one point during closing, I had asked where they got a certain piece of carpet that had been in the living room. They explained someone had given it to them, and I mentioned I would probably do something similar. When we all got off the elevator in the lobby, we said goodbye once more and Tom and I lingered to speak with our loan officer (who, by the way, we LOVE). We had some questions as to why our loan offered us so many grants, etc.. Then I made a comment about how wonderful the sellers had been and we all agreed. She told us that whole situation was so unusual and such a beautiful thing to see... she said we all seemed like old friends! Suddenly, the wife came running back in the doors. She asked Tom and I if we'd like to have the carpet that had been in the house. We didn't want to make her feel obligated, but she insisted.. she said they had gotten in the car and she and her husband decided they just wanted us to have it. At this point, I couldn't handle their kindness anymore and started crying. I hugged her again, and we said we'd figure it out over email. I shoo-ed her out the door because I was starting to cry and she said, "Me too...! Okay, bye!!" and ran out to the car. My jaw was just dropped and my eyes were welled-up when I looked at my loan officer... WHO WAS ALSO CRYING!
Tom had to go back to work, but we chatted for a minute in the parking lot about how blown away we were. We agreed that when the time came for us to sell this house, we would treat it the same: we would pray for another sweet couple looking for their first home, and take an offer not just based on financial implications.
I drove straight to the house after that, crying all the way there out of gratefulness and a full heart. Who says buying a house is stressful?? This was amazing! God answered their prayers, and ours... what an awesome God we have! Truly, this whole journey was part of His incredible plan for our life and we feel overwhelmingly blessed.
We have remained in touch with the previous owners and they have truly become new friends. How cool is that?? In fact, the first full day there, I spent the day cleaning while Tom was at work. All day I had been thinking "Gosh, I wish they hadn't moved and we somehow lived in this cul-de-sac too.." When Tom got home, he said out loud the exact same thing!
Anyways, when your closing date comes up, don't be nervous about it. Maybe you'll have an experience as incredible as ours. I really hope you do, actually. On that note, though, have any of my readers had a positive or negative experience with house closing? I love hearing your stories - tell me in the comments! I hope you enjoyed this long-winded finale to this series!
Now, I hope you're all ready for a load of before and afters and decorating posts! Looks like I'll be adding a new category to my menu, huh? Stay tuned for sneak peeks of the place :)
My Husband Is An Enabler
Myyyyyy husband.
I am madly in love with the man. I hope everyone loves their husbands a whole bunch because it's such an amazing gift. Every day (no joke), I actually say in my prayers that I am so thankful to God that he put this exceptional man in my life.
Now, I could ramble on about this fella all day and get all sorts of mushy on you.
But I'm here to tell you about something my husband basically makes impossible.
Dieting.
It's no secret that he loves to cook, and I love to bake. Spending time in the kitchen is a hobby of ours and we LOVE finding new ways of making something. When he cooks, I follow behind his every move and clean up after him, because he's really messy. But I love it! It's time spent together, laughing, bumping into each other, and stealing a kiss.
The other night we read through some of those "questions to ask your spouse" lists, just for kicks. One of the questions was "what is your favorite thing you've bought as a couple?" Tom said our mattress because it was a great investment, very comfortable, etc.. I said (through laughter) "groceries."
The last two years of eating yummy dinners and catching up on favorite shows can be tough on a little woman. So I've occasionally slipped into trying to cut back or say "no" more often... but it just isn't that easy with Tom around (queue entrance of 6'4" Goliath husband with the appetite of four men).
Last night on a walk, we wandered into Kroger to look at weird foods we've never noticed on a normal grocery trip. All was well and we weren't planning on getting anything... but suddenly, we saw some QUESO. I know what you're thinking... big whoop, every grocery store has queso..." No no no. You do not understand. Tom knows that when I get in the mood for a certain food, I don't stop thinking about it until I've had it. Like I once thought about those sour ropes coated in sugar for a solid three months before we broke down and bought them to sneak into a theater. Only then did those stupid ropes stop cropping up in my subconscious. So, like the many other times, he knew I had queso-on-the-brain. BECAUSE QUESO. However, he also knows I'm trying to say "no" more often. Yet again, queue Goliath husband hunger...
T: Ohhh it's the authentic Mexican kind. Really melty like in restaurants.
He then sees my googly-eyes filled with floating bowls of queso.
J: ...but you didn't bring your wallet did you..
Frantically starts feeling all his pockets... EUREKA!
We made the arduous five minute walk home with our queso and watched as two men outside a gymn measured their biceps. Thankfully, the girth we would soon acquire from the intake of melty cheeses could only be measured in happiness and pleasure.
Did I regret gorging myself in authentic Mexican queso? ...my husband is good at being that little demon on my shoulder whispering "it's okay - it was worth it" so no. Not at all.
Therefore my theory has been proved (time and time again): My husband makes dieting impossible. He is unashamedly an enabler. Within 24 hours of my formally announced "endeavor to be better" he's asking if I'll make him some snickerdoodles.
I think he thinks he's showing me love. Which he obviously is, because apparently my favorite purchase I've made with him are GROCERIES and not our nice cross-over vehicle or something like that. Nevertheless, I have a consistent war in my head over whether I should throw care to the wind and have a beer with my husband, or pout while I watch him eat the rest of the ice cream container alone.
Tom actually caught himself being an enabler in the queso scenario last night and quoted the following line from When Harry Met Sally. Except he exchanged "hate you" with "diet." (We definitely don't hate each other. And we love queso)
SEE?? YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DIET
Is your spouse an enabler? Do you secretly (not so secretly) really love that they are? I know I do...
25 Is The New 12
I am not easily offended. At all. I grew up in a family where teasing showed love, and jokes went much further than they ever should have. Inevitably, feelings would get hurt because a joke crossed the line... but over the years, that line has drifted further and further away to the point where I no longer get offended by anything. I have mastered the art of brushing things off and taking it with a grain of salt that people sometimes say the wrong thing... no big deal.
However, in the last year, Tom and I have been asked a particular question on more than one occasion that I find incredibly poor taste. In fact, it's offensive.
"So... what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Okay, on the surface, it seems like a harmless question.
But... how are we supposed to answer that?
"Well, mister, I guess once I learn how to pee-pee on the potty, I'll try to figure that out next!"
"Gee, that's a tough one, because I just learned to color INSIDE the lines!"
I know, I'm being facetious. Really though... why would you ask a 25 year-old, married ADULT that question??
I just cannot wrap my head around it. Is it because the people asking it are older than us, so anyone younger than them is clearly juvenile? Do you want to know my "dream job?" I guess I can't figure out why I get asked the same question that Kindergarten teachers have their students draw a picture of, and hang up on a bulletin board. Frankly, I wouldn't even ask that question of a college student because they are studying a specific field for their careers... they know what they want to "be when they grow up" because they are working on it.
Each time this question has come up, it's left both of us taken-aback. As if we have to somehow explain or prove that we are, in fact, adults. Or like we are still trying to navigate the big scary world and everything is unknown. Just picture for a moment how you would answer that if someone you hardly know asked it. Every time, Tom or I have simply stuttered out "Ummm.. what I'm doing currently...?" It's really awkward.
Let me lay this out for you...
We are 25.
We both have Bachelor Degrees.
We have been working in our specified careers for 3+ years.
We are married.
We just bought a house.
We have two cars.
We have lived outside our parents' homes since age 18.
We've moved across the country (unchaperoned! gasp!)
We have been paying our own bills for a lonnnggg time.
...and the next step in our life is probably having babies.
So, again, what about that is not "grown up?"
I know I'm beginning to rant, but I hate that I feel as though I need to defend my adult-ness. That's why that question upsets me so much... it invokes a reaction to defend. As if all we've worked for and accomplished in 25 years is minuscule. Sure, when I'm forty, twenty-five will seem pretty "baby," but I hope that I can read over this post in 15 years and remember that in many ways, it's not.
True, we have less experiences than our parents and those with children. That is definitely going to be a learning curve and will involve another stage of "growing up," and I get that. We gladly look up to our parents and older siblings with a sense of respect and admiration, knowing they have grown up and done well for themselves. Though we're younger than our parents and siblings, they still wouldn't ask what we want to be when we grow up, because they've watched it happen! So when strangers ask it, it's very startling.
Anyways...
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you think it's a rude question? Or do you feel like it's justifiable?
My Most Embarrassing Moments
Yes.
I'm going there.
First though, I must say, I have an amazing tendency to rarely get embarrassed. Maybe it's because my parents taught me that it's okay to be dorky. That letting your freak flag fly will gain you confidence, memories, and a tough skin. Social faux pas and inevitably saying the wrong thing at the wrong time is just a fact of life. Honestly, I think I probably do things every day that the average person would find embarrassing, but I find normal... so I'm kind of digging for gold here!
Yes.
I'm going there.
First though, I must say, I have an amazing tendency to rarely get embarrassed. Maybe it's because my parents taught me that it's okay to be dorky. That letting your freak flag fly will gain you confidence, memories, and a tough skin. Social faux pas and inevitably saying the wrong thing at the wrong time is just a fact of life. Honestly, I think I probably do things every day that the average person would find embarrassing, but I find normal... so I'm kind of digging for gold here!
If you're having "one of those days" (or just the Monday blues) read below and maybe you'll feel a little better that you aren't as awkward as me.
The very first embarrassing memory I could think of obviously has to do with puberty. I was 12 years old and it was my first singing solo. To give myself some credit, I have a good singing voice and I certainly deserved the solo... unfortunately I was really pudgy and unpopular and had no confidence (haha it's okay, I blossomed later). So I practiced that four-line solo day in, and day out for weeks. It was half a verse from America the Beautiful (easiest song in the world). When my moment finally came, I was in front of 600 people. I squeaked out the first line....... and then totally blanked... but somehow picked it up on the last line. It was soooo mortifying for my sensitive 12 year old soul!
When Tom and I were engaged, we were taking a little stroll through Target one day.. nothing unusual. I was wearing tights and a cute dress and had a crossover bag resting on my hip. As we were walking down that front, main aisle of Target (you know what I mean), a man RUNS up to me and frantically taps my shoulder and goes "MISS, YOUR DRESS IS UP." Sure enough, my purse had caused a chaffing effect against my dress/tights and my dress had ridden wayyyy up and everyone could basically see my entire behind. I thought this was hilarious and I quickly pulled it down but started laughing as I thanked the man, but he definitely didn't laugh along *awkward* and just kind of bowed out. Whoops!!
Sadly, I have had many wardrobe malfunctions. I got these $6 heels from Target that I couldn't pass up, but in retrospect, I realize it would have been in my best interests to have let them cause someone else the embarrassment of wearing them. How do I say this... ummm... they were very, VERY high.. platformed, and sparkly. For lack of better phrasing, they looked like they belonged on a street corner. Even worse, I decided to make their maiden voyage a trip to CHURCH (let's just say, college fashion was hit or miss). Tom and I were dating, and as we were on the sidewalk to the building, I mentioned how hard they were to walk in. Seconds later, I was on the ground, bleeding from my shins, and laughing. It wouldn't have been so bad but I was also wearing a short dress and some elderly folks had been walking towards us and probably got an eye-full... Lord have mercy. Needless to say, those shoes went straight into a Goodwill pile after that :)
Here's a two-fer.
1) My tire pressure got down to 8 PSI (normal is like 36 PSI) and I didn't even notice. Basically, I had a flat tire and somehow didn't know.
2) Because of that, my hubcap fell off. However, I was SURE it fell off at this particular intersection (#vibes) where a fire station was. So one day, I walked into the fire station and a few of the men came up to the desk.
ME: Hey, I know this is really random, but my hubcap fell off and I feel like it was outside at this intersection. Did anyone find it and turn it in by chance?
FIREMAN: Was is silver??
ME: YES! OMG!!!
FIREMAN: ...nope... haven't seen it ***laughter from all the firefighters... okay.. and me***
Watch this, which is basically always me in wedges on grass: